She Lost Me

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sit there in the little diner,

at my same old table

order my coffee, black

and turn on my tunes

young age of only 18,

but seem so mature

everyone else in the diner is

aged with wisdom and knowlege

there are doctors and lawyers

teachers and such

they talk of surgeries, foreclosures,

students and more,

all lies

trying to find a way to disguise them behind the truth

I sit there alone and all in black

and wonder if any of them even notice me walk in

I go on sipping my coffee and tune them out

it was another horrid day that i had surived

i notice the sun going down and decide that i need to go

if i didn't get home before nightfall,

i'd surely be in for another beating

I hurry and close my jacket, grabing my coffee and iPod

and head out the door

eyes full of tainted tears that no one ever notices

i start to walk down mainstreet

6 blocks and i would be home

I walk slowly because i don't want to walk back into that hell

knowing another beating on my skin would only make my heart swell

as i walk i notice things more

somethings i had never noticed before

a young girl crying sitting on the edge of the sidewalk

her little puppy had ran away

i keep on walking right past

i see an old man sitting on a bench in the park

feeding the birds with his last piece of bread

old and rugged, he smelled like a mess

had no one to care for him or not a soul to care for

Again, i walk right on past

I come to the crossing that leads to my street

but hear a loud scream

and a baby crying

i walk closer to the scene

only to notice the husband hitting the wife

and saying that he is through with the life they were leading

and that he didnt love her anymore

i feel something, a stinging in my heart

seeing that scene made me remember all the times love didnt last

or everytime my mother beat me

or my father spent drunk at his friends house

I walk away once again from the scene

and head on home

knowing that no one will notice that i am there

i turn the corner and see my house...

almost am there but fear going inside

i turn the handle to notice the door is locked

no one must be home,

i sigh in relief

and take out my key unlocking the door

i walk inside into the dark shell of a place i call home

I look upon the kitchen counter to see a note

"went out to a friends house be home later, dad"

Great, i thought, he would come home abusive and drunk

feeling so useless and ashamed of who i become

i grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills

and a bottle of whiskey and walked to my room

i sit in the corner, all alone in the dark

and down a couple pills

and drink down the bottle of whiskey

and cry my eyes out one last time

my mother comes home and sees i am not there

screams out in anger "why are you not here"

she walkes into my room and notices me lying on the floor

pale and frozen to the bone

feels my hearbeat

to notice there is none

she lost me this time by not being there

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