I am not quite certain where the words are flowing from today. For years I've bottled up my emotions, unable to express them as verbatum is not my style. I am 27 now. I feel sad even noting that. I feel like my youth has abandoned me and I am standing alone, bare, vulnerable to the scary world surrounding me. I'm not quite certain where the feelings have come from as it was like a sudden blow to my heart. One minute I was blissfully and casually strolling the pathways of this Earth, and the next a sad and devastating reality hit me. I feel that I am no longer myself, the youth. I feel I am alone. I feel like I am trying to face a world that I knew was out there but didn't really understand. I feel like the weight of responsibility is upon my shoulders, weighing down my happiness and all my potential dreams. Can I even be a dreamer now? Am I supposed to face reality with cynical realism now? Am I supposed to just wait for death to come and take me? What is  making me feel this way? I've never before felt this way, I always seemed to just drift with the breeze and never really let the world's reality take its toll on me. It's like the dreamer in me is gone. The pretty words the flowery expressions the rose colored glasses don't really work. In a way, I don't even feel that I wore rose colored glasses. I feel ilke I saw the world exactly how I wanted to see it and now I can't see it through those eyes anymore. I feel that I no longer want to be the independent girl. I want to be taken care of. I want someone to be my care taker as my parents were while I was growing up. Now it's time for my husband, I keep telling myself, to care for me. So I can feel like I'm not vulnerable or exposed. This is such an ugly piece of prose that even that frustrates me. I feel like I'm going through a mid life crisis and I'm not even 30. Can someone help?

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KindredSpirit's picture

Very well presented

The step into reality

From the idealism of youth.


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