With colorless petals


beyond insomnia sleepless nights hang down from the moon

terminating my comfort zone feeding me fear with a spoon

thoughts unwanted scatter through my head and will not quiet

they throw paper airplanes waking other thoughts creating a riot

like waves they crash on my shore harder and faster each time

my heart tries to convince my lifeless spirit these thoughts aren't mine

I stare at the wall and beg for sleep to the darkness of the night

but my wish is not granted and my eyes are glued open blind to the light

a fantasy that seems so real makes it's way into all of my veins

hurting me and making me gasp wanting to scream in a sort of unreal pain

I do not feel real as I look down upon my body that lays without life on my bed

I guess this night that hyptmotized me into it's womb has left me paralyzed and dead

but why should I try to use fancy words to explain to you the pain I feel

why should I try to write to make this hurt come to life and seem real

what good does it do and who would say that you would even understand

so who the hell cares another sleepless night, who the hell gives a damn

I will sink in to this pain as it forces it's way into my bloodstream

awake through the hours watching them as they pass without a single dream

thinking unspeackable thoughts and doing unthinkable things to myself

waiting for an escape root so that I can finally get out of this hell

but no hero dares to enter the flames of this insanity fantasy that hurts me

so here I am a flower that is messed up, with colorless petals no one can see

I dread these nights where my brain works overtime and the stars don't go to sleep

the night where I hurt so badly that I have no more tears that I could shed when I weep

I've found that no matter how much you cry it doesn't ease the pain inside at all

it only gets your pillow wet with tears each one soaking through when they fall

fear can never color your heart with bright colors inside of the dotted lines

so your left with colorless petals that grew with thorns on their vines

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pamschwetz's picture

for some reason this makes me think of something a drug addict might imagine from my imagination cuz I do not do drugs but from what I heard of heroin and I forgot the name of the one that makes you hallucinate, acid? and other really bad drugs....this reminds me of something like I knew a drug addict at one of my jobs and he told me about having a bad trip and melting off of a couch and although I do not know the sensation, I could imagine it and actually visualize him melting off the couch and it was kind of creepy so glad I never experienced the real thing but this is what it reminds me of...like imagination in full gear what would it be like....hope it isn't really like...know what I mean? I am babbling, ok...but hope you get what I am trying to say here...pam