Author Information
He Took It Away
Folder:
For others since gone He took it, he took it away
He took my breath
Everytime he held me
Everytime his image
Crossed my mind
Anytime, anywhere
Walkin the streets
Drivin the car
In the shower, in the bed
In the bed
Shared
He took it with him
My breath
Each time he walked away
Pushed me back, hurt me so
Hurt me so
Final
Everytime, everywhere
Past his street
Drivin the car,
Wiping the soap, from my eyes
From my eyes
Blind
I can't do it again
Feel my breath
Leave me
As he stands so close
Not knowing
Never, never again
He won't have it
Not so close
Don't come so close
To love.
He took it, he took it away
He took my breath
Everytime he held me
Everytime his image
Crossed my mind.
~1990
Firstly,thanks fro critiquing my poem,it's greatly appreciated.I chose to critique this one out of the ones of yours I've read, even though you wrote "He took it away" years ago, because I think the repetiton towards the end of every stanza is really effective in getting your point across.I liked the idea of the guy leaving but taking a part of you with him-in fact,taking away your ability "to breathe",therefore function--which is a cool metaphor for being alone or trying to survive by yourself.Keep up the great work,you have a lotta poems and a lotta talent.xsmilex