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Love, Years Ago

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2009

Holding you in my arms

Yearning for nothing more than more

Learning how unbridled affection is ours

Yours is mine, mine is yours

Mutually exclusive

A bond so penetrating and intrusive

It makes me question my own beliefs

Challenges me to persist, to prosper

To find what I do not initially witness

 

Inside myself, inside yourself, a listless

Indemnity – security tattered

We have fought our fears, our uncertainties

We have fought their ignorance, their pitiful worry

Their contrite lucidity

Their failed attempts to chip foundation, dampen jubilation

And yet the lashing waters of our counterparts only smooth our rough edges

And converts even the darkest stone to luster

 

We have shone brightly, thrived admirably

Been more to ourselves than I have ever conceived

For so I am ever grateful, ever so fortunate, ever so eager

To begin another sunrise, another sunset, another summer, autumn, and lifetime

By your soothing heart, bright smile, and playful eyes

Author's Notes/Comments: 

11.1.09 - This was about the woman I was convinced was 'the one' some 6 years ago.  The effects of our demise still linger for me to this day, but I'm comfortable enough to just go ahead and post some of these love passages back up again because I think really fondly of the moments I wrote about then.  It reflects a great time in my life (far from perfect, I cannot deny, but very comfortable) and i'd rather share the happiness of those times than curse the aftermath.   The irony is that I really didn't write much during our time together, I truly didn't feel the urge to..was just content living in the moment...and that's unfortunate in that I don't get to read back about some of those feelings today.  But I found this one to be pretty heartfelt, wanted to share

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last updated 27 November 2015 - 6:56am
©13 October 2015 - 9:08am — deepblue
15 January 2016 - 11:06pm — allets
allets's picture

Not Cursing The Aftermath

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I take a lesson here. To look back at the good feelings. Thank you for being strong enough to share it. yrpoembudstella

 

 

18 January 2016 - 8:49am — deepblue
deepblue's picture

thank you

I tried every defense mechanism you can imagine over the months/years following our break up to find some kind of way to process the thoughts rolling through my head - lashing out, pushing everything down...communicating with her, not communicating... trying to find new people, etc - I simply could never find an answer that left..some level of satisfaction in our resolution.  Truthfully, I don't think either of us really wanted to lose one another from our respective lives ...we still make contact every now and again, even just this past year, but..just, time...distance, the pain kinda starts to dissipate eventually...but so does a substantial amount of the great emotions.  So while in my earlier 'phase,' reading something like this might re-shatter my heart from its freshness, today I just really try to enjoy the fact that what we had was the most unique and cherished time of my (albeit, still youngish) life, and nobody can take that away besides myself. 

 

So as a very long answer to a short compliment, (thank you, by the way) ..I mean I dunno, it means a lot to immerse myself back into this passion, this hope, this level of veracity for what was, and what could continue to be... Today, I read this and I feel empowered, even in a reflexive tone, and I respect this feeling now more than I ever could beforehand.  Thanks again