Random Confessions of a Recovering Misogynist


Dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.
I never wanted to hate women. In fact my frequent trips to the strip clubs right after leaving Christianity likely proves I was in awe of them to the point of idolatry!


Still I hated things I perceived were unfair about our gender differences.


I hated how I felt I was treated by women.


I hated how stuff I felt was simply inherent to being masculine was offensive to most women.


I hated how easy it was for women to get physical intimacy when for me it seemed nearly impossible.


I blamed women that I remained a virgin until I was in my mid-30s when it was really religion's fault (yeah, I was this close to being an "incel").


This all offended me to the point of having a vendetta towards women which catapulted me without even being aware of it into the sickening world of having a misogynistic mindset which in turn befell misogynistic behavior.


Once again my intent was, always has been, and still is to love!


But intentions are worthless without realizing the effects of the actions those intentions are promoting.


You see, my definition of "love" was completely different than the definition a grand majority of women held. I'm still learning those differences and find researching this topic very rewarding.


I believe learning how to love women on their terms is the only way to truly love a woman.


I'm not even sure I'll ever be able to do that. But it's not going to stop me from trying!


It is terrifying to note that if a man demonstrates what seems to be his innate view of "love" incorrectly it can often be seen as hate.


By the way, I recognize this fear. This is the impetus behind Trump's statement that "it's a dangerous time for young men these days."


Good. It should be a dangerous time for misogynistic men.


It feels innate or (dare I say) natural, because our patriarchal society has portrayed humans as two distinct genders and assigned roles to those genders pretty strictly (males as tough powerful dominant decision makers and women as weak passive nurturing emotional and obedient baby makers).


That's just not the way it is and never will be.


This is why societal change is so important and I fight for it so strongly. This is why I applaud and lift up gender non-conformity and androgyny. There is nothing wrong with exuding cisheteronomative stereotypes, but to insist the rest of the many diverse people in our society adhere to them is immoral and downright criminal. The way things have been (and thus NOT in need of going back to) are sickening and unfair to anyone who doesn't conform to those stereotypes. And there are a lot of us! Yeah, I don't mind saying "us". The more I realize this inequity the more communally allied I feel with people of diversity.


Might I add that my prior actions of hatred towards LGTBQ+ was less veiled. I had "God's proof of their sinfulness" to hide behind while vomiting my venomous hatred at them and saying "(Jesus and) I love you", with a smile on my face.


What about misandry (women hating men)? Well that's women's problem to deal with. Bringing it up does not contribute to this conversation. It might be a topic for women to discuss but I'll let them decide. I am a man. Misogyny is my responsibility as a man to deal with.


I may no longer vocalize "I love you" much anymore but I surely do not wish my actions to ever say "I hate you" again.



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