The Awful Lot

I put up with an awful lot I think. I have friends that are dumb as rocks but nice to be around. I don't try to make them look stupid but it's inevitable through my vocabulary. Pretty soon one will say,"Chad's using those big words again" or "Is that even a word?". I'm not super smart though which leads me to believe they're super dumb.

 

I put up with an awful lot I think. I've had girlfriends who some may be considered good and some insane. It's usually always the case that I become overly attached and need to peel myself away. I have that type of personality I guess. But every now and then it's not my fault I suppose. Girls would never assume by looking at me that my feelings run deep. I have one of those manly looking demeanors as if they think,"Well, I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a tough looking kind of guy." and seldom is the case. I can't be mad though because I'm an incomplete person. Devoid of whatever makes me enjoyable.

 

I put up with an awful lot I think. My family is a cookie cutter display of pretending to care. They all feign happiness while I'm around begging for a discussion on why we're disfunctional. They claim we're not but let's face the elephant in the room and not just try to put make up on it and have it dance around. Our last name is Callis and the jokes in school never stopped but we should face the music and assume that yes, we live up to our last name properly. We are callous people. My father raising me to turn away the homeless and my brother teaching me that if I don't believe what he believes than I'm half a person. My mother, rest her soul, couldn't put up with it and I feel the same.

 

I put up with an awful lot I think. This social media everyone raves about is getting to the point of exhausting. "You didn't send me a happy birthday on my page, Chad" though I did through text message. This is the problem. We need public displays of whatever and if one isn't reached then I'm uncaring or lackluster in your friendship department. I've never felt so connected to everyone and so disconnected at the same time. To sit in a room by myself with a computer and pretend that there it is! There are my friends. It's sad and disspointing and all completely made up in my mind.

 

Like all my other problems.

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running_with_rabbits's picture

My family is a cookie cutter display of pretending to care.

I love how real, raw, and vulnerable this piece is. Like you are letting me sit in the corner of your mind and watch life through your eyes, and I couldn't even begin to go over what i liked or what hurt to hear or what I was like "FUCKIN EH! I can relate!"

 

Really glad I took the time to read this piece. 

Thanks for the post


Much Love

Ashley

Chadical's picture

Shucks

I'm really glad it was something you could connect with. I think we all think this stuff honestly. Just sometimes we forget to say it. Thanks for reading!


"Where do you go when nowhere feels like home?"-FBMF