I Was Only A Child *Warning*

how did it all start?

where did it begin?

i don't remember it,

i don't remember him.

when did he first kiss me?

or graze his hand across my hips?

how have I come to forget,

all my memories of this?

which day did he first use me,

to be one of his play toys?

who was there to help me out,

to chase away his voice?

the moment that he first pushed me,

or the moment that his hand became a fist.

they all seem to leave me,

i don't remember any of this.

what hour did he pin me down,

and refuse to let me go?

which second did i recognize,

that everything was moving slow?

why didn't i see it,

happening so near?

why didn't my screams reach anyone,

couldn't anyone hear?

when did his fists dwelve into me,

to beat my pale skin?

how did his mind infiltrate mine,

to leave me spread so thin?

how long did it take for me,

to learn what he did was wrong?

why did it take forever,

before this misery was gone?

how many times did he sink into me,

and tell me it was alright?

to be beat me and abuse me,

while i lay awake at night?

why didn't i see this before,

and how come i didn't know?

why didn't anyone rescue me,

why didn't i just go?

because i was a child.

i didn't know what was happening,

so how could it be wrong?

his hands all up and down me skin,

it happened for so long.

how couldn't anyone see the things,

that were happening to me?

the telling signs were obvious,

for everyone to see.

i couldn't scream and couldn't yell,

he said not to or he'd be mad.

so i bore the pain of everything,

it was a horrile secret to be had.

i was only a child,

young and very pure.

now i'm just a teenager,

confused and so unsure.

how do you regain consciousness,

after some tramatic event like this?

you can't heal it away,

its something you'll never miss.

coping is the only way,

to remain stable and ok.

i know that he'll get what's coming,

he'll get it bad some day.

till then,

well my anger is only mild.

how could i have known all of this,

i was only a child.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

if you could feel the sadness of the children... it hurts so bad inside...

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yellowspecks's picture

This is a beautiful heartbreaking poem. You did a great job expressing your pain, and the truth that it was not your fault. from personal experience this is one of the hardest parts. Karma is a ... well you know. Bless you. Rae