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something first, must die.
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On Life and Living
I dared to finally confront,
to take that walk of dissolution
-away-
from all I ever knew
including the pain,
the desecration,
the hurt, the sadness,
the empty lonliness.
In letting go,
I, in essence, actually,
held on even tighter...
tighter to me,
to my sanity, my heart,
to-my-very-self
in a sure and certain life-grip
that whitened my knuckles.
The emotional and verbal
pummeling of my soul,
was tantamount
to a literal bashing
that left scars only I
could internally see,
and still always felt,
their constant bruising.
I was left feeling a worthlessness,
a total self-loathing
and such utter desire
to cease the pain by ceasing to be,
that my only other choice
finally was strengthened
by my newfound will-
newfound desire,
to survive.
For sometimes to heal,
to live once more
and breathe on
a fresh air of dignity,
to begin anew,
to give life and self
to loving once again...
something first, must die.
Powerful
Sacrifices to make anew, the road back to the true self is difficult and many miles long.
I was told you walk into the forest ten miles, and well, you have to walk the same ten out.
There are times I had to crawl back from my downfall. The last two years I have been building.
Reconnecting to the roots of who I am, in the end the love for someone that didn't love has faded.
Sadness, hurt and pain- I found a stack of poems during those years and considered burning them.
Great write and thank you for sharing.
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I am an artist of words as well as paints.