i've never had that

I really, don't like the random emotions that flood me sometimes.. no reason.. just comes in spurts.. i have to sit here and put on a face and have a blank look on..unreadable .. a spark of rage starts to slowly creep up.. it's like i can feel it flowing ..  like dynamite, waiting for the flame to reach me.. making me want to just get up and destroy something..after a bit of foot tapping and knuckle cracking.. irritation sets in .. and i'd rather not.. deep sighs.. in and out.. till' there's a bitter calm.. just nothing.. nothing... now i'd rather just go to sleep.. it's like i just got my energy drained.. and i want to go to bed... headaches and stomaches.. i wish this would just go away.. close my eyes.. take big breathes.. nobody even knows what i'm battling with .. too quiet.. always quiet.. open my eyes.. there's a message waiting for me.. a smirk appears.. it brings me down and i remember.. i'm here.. i don't think people realize, how a simple thing can bring a person back. I don't think you realize.. in the silent noise.. of my quiet suffocation..it's like a silent scream, you see it.. you can feel it.. but there's no sound.. it's just quiet..you bring me back.. i've never had that..

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