what love could be

Folder: 
Hyacinth garden

she sleeps under eyelids
that coax seduction
within dreams
between
poetic echoes of secret enticement
your likeness is a silhouette
golden impulse
you do create a
decadent scene

writhing from curious vestiges
implanted
from above
allure does delight in your intention
forms reach farther to keep their promise

give into softness
escape to covert waves
influence the extract of an eager heart
pleasing words will whisper

you are there among the novices
limber angel it is never too late
for proxy to levitate
enhanced trance bemuse
there is an offering
on the altar of surreptitious passion
intoxicating thrill
easily loveliness still beats
how can you resist?
you awake,
insisting
you know what love could be

Author's Notes/Comments: 

revisited and revised

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Moonshadow's picture

I adore this! Wonderful write

I adore this! Wonderful write 9inety


Dont look for me, I'll find you ~Moonshadow

SSmoothie's picture

Hi 9T, I actually agree yet

Hi 9T, I actually agree yet disagree here about that phrase folds father, I made a stronger connection to it as in one of my poems, I used a similar idea. from above folds enter father especially speaking of vestiges from above, the minuscule ideas being hardly recalled un catchable as the notion of higher love? creeps and seeps in, nagging...I see tossing and turning in sheets and in that trying to sustain the idea of love and what it's potential is, and how it could be and the idea that someone is chasing the (idea of?) passion rather tHan being in the moment and immersing themselves in it? there is a naivety about this piece that captures me, however, there is the word implanted and it doesn't seem it belongs optically though I like the idea of it, I did reach a little father into the folds to make meaning and I like that! But also can understand the flow and difficulty in interpretation however, I prefer the original to the changes, perhaps another tweak? You are one of the best poets on here and read most of what you post, I enjoy the delivery and also the challenge of the metaphors your bring. Cheers SS


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

The_Mav's picture

Great insights smoothie! I am

Great insights smoothie! I am now inclined to agree that word implanted... The imagery is great but the word throws it out a little. The folds father part is lovely, thanks for making a connection to it! I think
Smoothie is on to something here.


If its possible, no matter what it always starts with a dream! 

The_Mav's picture

I like your style and its a

I like your style and its a very good poem. There are some lines that dont fit well for me such as the part

from above
implanted
folds enter farther

I find difficult to make meaning (though I ve tried all I can think of) it sounds ok but for me it stood out like an annoying ear hum in an othewise beautiful piece!

kind regards
Mav.


If its possible, no matter what it always starts with a dream! 

allets's picture

I Agree About Fits

I love this line: ~~easily lovliness still beats~~ but the disjointedness swings too far, the style yes, but what's the point if you lose the reader and we want to come too.


 

 

9inety's picture

ok well,

don't want to lose any readers
always said, I need an editor,
I'll keep working on this one,
I like the fact that the words are doing something for somebody...
Peace
Dylan


"One of the best results of life, is the torment of love"

Dylan Eliot