#Rape #silence

Speak.

I open my mouth to speak.
Again. I open my mouth to speak.
And again. I open my mouth to speak.
But each time as I open my mouth to speak I am silenced by the thoughts of uncertainty.

The room is filled with too many people.
I look up to them. My family, my friends and strangers I've never known.
They're all looking at me intensely;
They're waiting for me to speak.

I do not speak.

I speak inside my mind.
My thoughts are scrambled.

Will they believe me?
Will I even believe myself?
Did it really happen the way I felt?
Did I imagine it? I wish I did.

I open my mouth to speak.
Again. I open my mouth to speak.
And again I open my mouth to speak.
But each of the three times everyone's eyes laid on me like a sniper's laser. Ready to shoot me down if I even so mutter the words " I was raped."

I beg not to go into the details.

It's like you're only once to your friends.
And once to the doctor.
And that once more infront of strangers ready to say if you're lying or not.
But I'm only allowed to speak once. I do not report it.
They all ask me why and I have no idea how to say it.

If I got a dime for all the times I was asked:
"What i was wearing?"
"Why didn't you stop him?"
"Why didn't you leave?"

(I don't know know the answers to some of these.)

I could get a gumball from the machine.

I open my mouth to speak.
Again I open my mouth to speak.
Once I open my mouth to speak
But this time I'll speak and I will make people listen.

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