#hurting
How I Feel Today...
Lord please forgive me. I keep messing up. I can't do this without you Lord. People judge me. I'm sure I was seen on the other day. I'm being followed and my house has been under surveillance for months. I'm tired. I woke up in pain. Thank God you began to start healing my body. Lord forgive me. Lord help me to forgive them. The ones who think I don't know that they are out here secretly saying things about me acting like they are better than, the ones that still treat me like I'm a compromise or an roi. I'm not that either. Why do I feel like l owe everyone so much for helping me at all? It's like nothing I do is good enough for anyone. Right now sitting here crying. Lord I'm so broken. No relationship was ever good enough. No marriage was good enough. Even serving my country and becoming educated, being a mom, prayer warrior, serving God isn't good enough for certain people. I don't know what to do anymore. I trust you. Yet I am so broken. No one in church even knows because no one takes the time to ever sit down and say are you really okay? It's not even about finances. It's about showing love. People talk about it all day. Funny I get it from my friends outside of my church family but not the very church I support financially. Lord I need you. We need you. Lord I need to see a major financial miracle this morning. I need to see a major move a you in our lives. I need to see it . I know I sound like Thomas and I apologize however Lord you know me better than anyone else. You know everything about me sins seen and unseen big and little. Lord first off forgive me and keep me from doing it again. I didn't ask that before. I am now. I understand. I am your child. Your prophetess, healer, evangelist, prayer warrior, intercessor, light in darkness, singer, writer leader to nations. Just like my daughter on some levels plus she has additional callings that are manifesting themselves. Including calling me out by using her discernment on yesterday. Lol. Yes Lord I caught that. Lord help and please forgive. In Jesus name Amen
More things about today...
If people outside my inner circle ever took the time to actually get to know me instead of being judgemental or acting better than maybe I could trust to open up to them. They don't even call, text or communicate with me except on Sundays or meetings. I'm just a placeholder, even though I'm a quiet woman in ministry.
