family dysfunction


She runs to nothing

Losing herself with every step

She runs for something


That is just out of her reach

Forgetting why she left

 The call will come

Asking once more

 'Pick us up'


A plea it hurts to ignore

 Why do it for her

When helping her feels like a curse

She runs to nothing

Losing herself with each step

Forgetting why she left

The call will come

in tears it will hurt when I say

 'No I'm done'

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Family? What's That?

Grew up in a house I could never call a home,
Surrounded by people but never felt more alone.
I have a brother I haven't talked to in five years,
And the fact that I want to be a doctor drove my mother to tears...
My dad, he's alright.
It's his determined spirit that taught me to fight.
I just wish he wouldn't always look down on me.
He thinks I'm and idiot, calls me stupid, and tells everyone I'm crazy.

...I'm not crazy.
Sure, I'll admit my sanity may be a bit lazy,
But I am most certainly not crazy.

For thinking I can make it on my own.
I'm going to graduate, I'm going to find a place I can finally call home!
It will be a home built on a foundation of friends, a structure I can trust in.
...But I have to admit, even though our relationship is paper thin,
The way they raised me had an effect on who I turned out to be.
So Even though I blame them,
I should really thank them.
So than you...
Now stay out of my life.

-The Craziness

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Inside The Outsider

Inside The Outsider

When we all are together

No one notice or talks to me

Until something is to be done

Then it is my name that they call

  • I try my best to understand

    Why no one notices me

    Until it is time for something to be done

    Then everyone can suddenly see me

  • I sometimes feel I have no brothers

    They only talk to me when something is to be done

    The rest of my family is the same way

    When something needs to be done then they talk to me

  • I hold my tongue out of respect for all

    But I do not know how much longer I can

    It pushes me down to where I do not want to be

    I just feel like disappearing from everyone

  • Why does it seem like everything falls on me

    Don’t they know they also have responsibility?

    I am not an only child

    Though sometimes I feel like an orphan of a widower

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    I tried to tell you I love you, / You turned away. / The same way I did to you, / Your whole life. / Remember my brother, / A child I remember. / I did not want to take the child from you, / I had no clue what I was doing. / Where is dad, I am scared brother. / I thought they would never love me so I stole the spotlight. / Wish I could go back

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    Steelwoolen Black Sheep

    I'm not the one to come running when you call,
    In fact I don't care if I never see you at all,
    Your bullshit rides through history cut out all my shit,
    You say I lie and make up shit that your memory don't fit,
    How easy the troubles of others you forget my fricken dear,
    How easily manipulated the truth when it's too hard to hear,
    Christmas was always special and birthdays always grand,
    Oh bullshit please, I played second fiddle in this band,
    you talk of pitiful, trivial things you look away at the neglect,
    You never understood the voices in my head lives past infect,
    To think thee seed that spawned me forth is differently sowed,
    That two others identical to you so haplessly born easy to goad,
    Threatened by my resilience and my spiritually intelligent truths,
    I never had it easy, you were always thinking I was dumb streuth,
    I couldn't read the lines but between them I always could quite plain,
    Sitting outside your vicious gossip circles, I find no pleasure in others pain,
    Shopping for your trinkets and buying just one more So I wouldnt be sore,
    You never knew me you never will you selfish close minded beings of bore,
    For if you knew me like my spirit friends knew,
    would you be so quick to cut me like you do?
    Your stupid insecure attacks hurt me for a second I fall,
    Although I hate the fact that I feel any sting at all,
    Because through all your skewered recollections called,
    same as my own being a slanted view of my own warped recall,
    So whose is whose history? and what is what is still a mystery?
    I'll never know why I was pushed outside the warm circle to neglectful misery,
    but this I'll feel till the end The steel woolen scraping of the layers inbeded in my skin,
    hoping me to be something else other than what I've been,
    fingers ripping the sides of my mouth to never speak of it again,
    And here's the bitter twist I've loved you always even then,
    but I do not like you and this for you will do just fine,
    And I with my steel-woolen armour ghosts conferring in my mind,
    I will be who you never wished I was meant to be,
    my grating steel-woolen black sheep we.

    Author's Notes/Comments: 

    If you can understand this I am not alone. But then I never have been...

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