PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

you have perfectly discribed my anxiety!

I particularly like your use of strong and weak endings... I don't know if this was conscious or not, but for example:

"A part of me has strayed
And left me dark and hollow
Just thinking of today
Makes me dread waking up tomorrow"

The first line of this stanza ends with a strong stress (a PART of ME has STRAYED), which to me emphasises the act of you losing a part of yourself. "hollow", by contrast ends line two with an unstressed syllable (HO-llow), again doing a great job of leaving the reader with a breathy sense of hollowness. This pattern is similar in the last lines of stanza two, with the strong "today" asserting itself over the weaker "tomorrow" (which word also elongates the last line, perhaps to give the reader a sense of the extension of time tomorrow implies).

The way you break down the rhyme in the last stanza, while holding on to a stronger sense of metre (trimetre line one, tetrametre line two, and trimetre at line four, with a slightly irregular haunted line three for some a nice effect), also reinforces the content (the idea of "hold[ing] on"), but in a slightly contradictory way at points, as it is so settled in comparison to the tormented nature of the message...

So yeah, I like this! Nice one.