Where Does This End?

2005 - 2006

I no longer get excited over the ring from a wall

Learned the “show and tell” doesn’t mean you ever really show it all

Now as I further repress letters deeper and deeper into my brain

I lose the meaning somewhere and I believe I may never see it again

At least that’s the way it’s been said stuff like this works

At least that’s the way I’ve heard it is

Now this is strange, I will not deny you that

At this point there’s not a single surprise that’d make me flinch

Now I never wanted to be something bigger than you or even myself

What’s hard about that to grasped

What’s wrong with saying something to that effect

What’s the problem with being content with who I am

What more could you ask of me that you already haven’t

“You’ve gotta change!” God, I can’t believe you went there

I thought there wasn’t anything more to be given that hadn’t already been

I guess in your eyes I’ll always be inevitably wrong, aren’t I

Is this ever gonna end or will it just slowly take me down until I’m dead

Now it’s obvious that you don’t care, I guess I’ve learned to just overlook that fact

Doesn’t everyone learn to deal when it’s too tough to be dealt with

I guess it is just as you said, I’ll never be what I could

Shouldn’t I place that fact heavy on your head, my heart won’t allow it

I thought that maybe this life would offer me some form of escape

I can remember as a child thinking “If I could just get paid to be like this forever”

I still would like to be there, but don’t you know now I’d be there for free

I’d be there and smile as if the child in me hadn’t tragically died

To deal with these feelings I only wish upon the Devil himself

For to deal with this on earth is to already be in some state of Hell

Now I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate what I’ve got

It’s just hard to when everything I did you took away so eagerly

How could you take it and just place it upon the highest shelf there was

Not even the angels in Heaven could reach it to give it back to me

You took my heart

That’s why it’s hard for me to understand

Why you can’t grasp that I am the way that I am

And still you have the nerve to ask me for a second chance

And still you have the nerve to ask me for a helping hand

And still you have the nerve to ask…

You took my heart

What’s so hard about that to understand

What’s hard about that to grasp

And still you have the nerve to ask me to wipe my tears away

Where does this end?

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April Hegner's picture

I know exactly what you are saying. I've been there. I must say that I am quite taken by your work. Please, please keep posting!