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SHIT-EATING GRIN

(T. Beechey)



A long time ago when I was just a lad

I once had to shit one night really bad

But the toilet was clogged,so I held it all in

And that's how I acquired my shit-eating grin

At first,I just thought it was all a bad dream

Then I woke up in the morning and I started to scream

Cause I looked in the mirror and guess what I saw?

Shitballs hangin' off my chin,cheeks,and jaw



Shit-eating grin,shit-eating grin

Shitballs hangin' off my jaws,cheeks,and chin

And toothpaste and floss,they don't even begin

To erase a shit-eating grin



I went to the doctor and I went to the nurse

But I didn't get no better,in fact,I got worse

Cause my shit-eating grin became a shit-eating smirk

And everybody told me "Eat shit,you jerk!"

The plastic surgeon said "I'm not that skilled"

And the faith healer told me "I'm not that willed"

The zookeeper took one look at my face

Pointed to a cage and said "There,that's your place"



Shit-eating grin,shit-eating grin

Can you please tell me just what kind of sin

I committed to deserve an abomination

Like a shit...eating...grin



And that's my story,so sad but so true

And I hope and I pray it never happens to you

Cause,if it does,don't take offense

But your life won't be worth a lousy ten cents

I now spend my days just stayin' inside

With the lights all turned low,just tryin' to hide

From a world that won't listen or understand why...

But don't worry about me,I'll just eat shit and die



Shit-eating grin,shit-eating grin

When you have one,you just can't win

Oh,I've said it before and I'll say it again

Yes,I hate my shit-eating grin