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I sit here living when I know i don't deserve it,

I've once again lost a job, an opportunity, a life

There may be more but the depression I feel right now is to much to bear

Am I not good enough, did I bust my ass for nothing, will I find the will to move forward?

I'm an asshole, This I know

I've always made poor choices, they always have poor results

Even when I think I'm doing really well, it turns out I'm walking backwards again

When you see me walking down the street, don't throw anything please

I beat myself down enough, I don't need the help

I wonder constantly if when i die will anyone care?

I don't think so

I've seen how people move on so easily after death

Would they remember me for who I was, or the choice I made in the end?

Everything is disappearing, soon everything will be gone

Will it be my fault?

If I go with everything, will my debts be paid?

Will I be forgiven?

Will I finally have peace of mind?

Will I see the ones I've lost?

Or will I be another lost one?

How many people will be hurt by me fading away?

Are these the things the ones I've lost thought?

Am I alone?

If not, why do i feel so alone?

These are the things that run through my mind all day,

Is this normal?

To feel all alone no matter who surrounds me

I'm alone, so very alone

Nobody loves me or cares what happens to me

At times all i want to do is crawl into a hole and die...

But what's this...sliver of light in my darkness?

I want it to go away, I want to be alone

I don't need this warmth, nor do I want it

Let me sit in my cold cell

And rot away

Like they all said I deserve

I did this to myself

Then I hear it

"Let me help you up"

"Let us help you carry that"

"This seems heavy, use my strength"

This is what makes it hard to be sad, angry, anxious, miserable

I know there are people who will listen to me, help me carry this burden...if I let them

But I can't tell them, can never tell them my darkest secret

I will lose it all again

One more battle I have lost, I'm not allowed to win

I'll fight till the day I die, which is a battle nobody ever wins

We all die, but when will my day come?

Not today, not tomorrow...

I will fight with my head held high, until all that's left is my head

I will never stop