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love me like a funeral
I
love me like a funeral and i will love you in return
angelically. cross my heart and hope for death if this promise,
or you, i do spurn. please believe me,
i don't wish to take, but yearn to learn.
years. after so many years, have i thirst and dreamed the impossible dream;
what's over there, on the other side-what’s behind this wall made out of air
that is everywhere, everywhere that plastic eye's can see when the face,
cracked face,
of a porcelain doll is turned
north and south, east to west,
to heaven, and down to hell
to mecca, to babylon, the garden of eden,
alcatraz, the vatican, calgary hill,
insane asylums, kindergartens,
the flower beds of ghost town gardens,
the libraries unused, refugee camps selling food,
street corners breeding junkies and the utterly abused,
to eye's that are closed, to sleepy heads that awaken,
to the morning paper and the mirrored glance,
to the moonlight's glare, a young child's stare,
to the lover’s dance, to the despondent last longing trance.
it is there, it is there, it is there
and i despair.
where is my buddah, allah, jesus christ
and jehovah ,
to witness my plight?
where is my steve mcqueen,
to plan my great escape?
where is my moses
to lead me in my flight
out of egypt
from the pharoa’s whip?
where is my orpheus with his broken neck
so he can’t look back?
where is my nostradamus with prophecies of when
this all will end?
where is my teacher,
where is my voice of reason?
II
she swears she is a born again virgin
for tonight, she swears every time
is her first. she swears no priest is needed
for confession, she swears
not one hail mary will be heard.
she has skin made of mini skirts delight and revealing
shirts, she dresses her legs in fish net stockings,
she cakes
her make up on like wet cement, she is
stagnant cheap perfume stench
that you can taste when she enters.
she is harlot eye’d , she has
blood red lips
from when she danced between the sheets
with another
but now hunger dried. she is
a serpentine diva, lizard in thinking,
shed her skin for anyone, anytime
for a small price.
she will offer up her breast
and her body. she is comfort.
she is a righteous and beautiful
street corner angel
standing , and waiting, for you and me.
III
i once drank from aphroditie’s cunt
and i got drunk and passed out for many moons.
as i lied, with my head rested on her gentle thigh
i let the world pass by,
and in the dreams, they began playing a show
it was slow moving, silent, serene. the scene
was charcoal pink clouds, endless fields, grass as far
as the eye could see.
weeping willows on the edge of a dark blue lake
and a woman underneath pouring cups of tea for two.
she clapped her hands together
and the lights went out,
we made love in the dark for hours.
(dream is fading, fading, breathing quickening, the dream is disappearing)
NIGHTMARE
being pulled into her, can’t get out, can’t escape,
screaming, fuck, help, kicking, can’t get away
she’s smiling, laughing grinning, she is kissing me, wont let go
of me
love making turns to fucking, sexual disdain.
eyes are turning in my head and i see that aphrodite
stands above, it’s her turn
pulls me by the hair, some of it falls out
and creates snakes of medusa likening
and they’re coiling round my throat.
she’s raping me, she’s forcing me inside her
and i hear her moaning, groaning,
my skins ripping and bleeding
into her, she’s got
a piece of my soul
she’ll never give it back
to me.
clicking the heels of my red shoes desperately,
there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home,
there’s no place like, fuck what’s the use, i am no dorothy
there’s no place like the numb harrowing vault of lone solitary confinement
of one’s own heart,
aphrodite let me go
APHRODITE LET ME GO!
and she doe’s by killing me. and i awaken
alone in a room with no windows and doors,
and no one to turn to and cry upon their shoulder, no words
that i could share with a living soul.
III
(the noose is up. the end is nigh. kick the bucket. time to learn to die.)
puddles and men and women under umbrellas
rain drops making river veins down building windows
children laugh at the cats and dogs falling
in spain the airports have grounded all the planes.
hole in my shoe for ventilation
and the lack of money
walked briskly down a footpath, not knowing where to
bright light, the brightest id ever seen, stood under
a flashing neon sign
of a church.
she makes the motion of pulling a gun’s trigger
with her palm facing up.
come closer.
hi.
who are you?
street corner angel.
street corner who?
street corner angel, brightest of all of his lights.
oh.
what’s your pleasure baby?
street corner angel, what can you do for me?
i can set you free.
can you really?
sure come follow me.
we walked for many miles down back roads, across parks
through alley ways, down a highway
to a cheap motel room, down the desert road
can we want to talk, to tired to fuck.
she runs her fingers down the back of my legs, i fear
this could go somewhere.
what does it mean to love?
to love is to relinquish. she kisses my feet.
relinquish what?
she smirks and raises to her feet.
your not ready to come with me.
go with you where?
the other side.
where’s that?
to the other side of the wall.
what’s over there?
nothing at all.
i don’t believe you.
she grab her coat, bent over and kissed my eye.
before she left, groaned a sigh
to love is to die.
that’s all she said.
goodbye, street corner angel, goodbye.
IV
my death is not an angel
nor man of black drowned robes
with sickle in hand.
my death is not formless clouds
or a being of someone else’s being.
my death, is her, we pass her every day
and every night
she swears, drinks, and owns a gun,
my death is the little girl
with too much makeup and legs spread apart
pimping herself out to everyone.
V
she loved me like a funeral and i loved her in return
artificially. uncrossed my heart and died for hope of the promise,
and her, being spurned. she believes me, but shouldn’t,
for not only did i take, i learnt.
