Sex Is

Folder: 
2023

The girl across the room says sex is midnight,

not something to withhold in case the it-crowd asks.

 

The girl in my science class says sex is for something,

(doesn’t everything have a purpose?),

and isn’t this such a pretty one,

the promise of life.

 

My mom once said sex is fact, fun, existence,

but buried underneath

sex is somehow not for me right now

we exist in parallel.

and holding my friends means letting go of some of her words.

 

The girl behind the bleachers says sex is damage,

it is the way she holds herself together

and also the way the halls whisper her name,

unforgiving.

meet me in the library.

the scorn of a halfway hero no one wants to hold.

 

The billboards I try to avoid say sex is power,

can’t have one without the other,

then conjure a tidal wave or a CEO

to keep me from both.

 

The one behind the curtain says sex is violence,

threats like love,

silenced to live,

handprints as wedding vows,

bruises spell poetry.

 

The boy I tell a quarter of my vulnerable to

says sex is an unbalanced currency

I leave when I don’t know the exchange rate.

 

Moving worlds

hand me this mess-

 

sex as panic. sex as delusion. sex as remembrance. sex as exploration, good & scary. sex as right angles and wrong rhythm. sex as dirty thoughts. sex as thoughts I want to have. sex as thoughts I have. sex as metamour love. sex as the journey, sex as the destination, sex as nowhere at all. sex as the way I hold myself when I walk into a room. sex as how you see me. sex as how you really see me.

 

The girl I love says sex is open wounds,

terrifying,

sometimes when I hold out my hand

my touch is wanted but my voice has claws.

 

The book I love says sex is understanding,

a way to get close and closer,

irresistible sensuality on a slippery slope.

 

The voice in my head says sex is perfect,

only way to show my love,

the Venn diagram of friendship and nakedness

has always been shown to me

(most recently by my therapist)

as two balloons rubbed over a rug,

not quite touching just like

I’m not supposed to touch them.

it is wild here-

we are animals after all.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/4/23

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patriciajj's picture

So much is happening in this

So much is happening in this insightful, multifaceted and true-to-life quest to define something so physiologically intense we often feel it defines us.

 

But here is where you pulled it all together with crystallized magic:

 

"Moving worlds

hand me this mess-"

 

I loved your endearing wit, soft touch and casual brilliance as you approached the reader as a friend, a confidant. This accessible vehicle took me deep into your lighthearted angst and your various perspectives, each one a study in human nature.

 

And with each perspective, you cleverly adopted a voice appropriate to the viewpoint. With agility and cadence, you moved from impacting conversation to stream-of-consciousness and back again. The overall feel of your expression was spontaneous, poignant and effortlessly sharp.

 

There was also much to relate to, but don't get me started on that. That would be a whole new essay.

 

In conclusion, excellent! So worthy of the praise it has already received.

 

S74rw4rd's picture

I need to make a second

I need to make a second comment on this poem.  For the past hour since I posted my previous comment, I have been studying this poem (and, lest an enemy raise the accusation, not out of prurient interest, but because of the artistry that makes this poem work).  I have been reading Poetry for fifty years as of this past April, so I think I have some credibility to authentically state that this poem demonstrates an artistic skill that functions at the very highest level of literary quality.


The simile I think of here (in addition to my previous references to clockwork and locomotive gearings) is the counterpoint of a fugue, or the theme and variations of Sibelius' Seventh Symphony which, although a single movement on paper (rather than the three or four movements of a classical symphony based on the sonata form), takes its theme adroitly, sometimes delicately, and sometimes dramatically through several variations---none of which work against each other and which, despite certain differences, form a complete unity.  Your poem does exactly this.


Prudes and haters might dismissively sneer at my comment because, "after all," they might say, "the poem takes, as its subject . . . sex!" while wringing their hands in self-righteous distress.  But this poem could have been as easily about anchovies, or warehouse inventories, or the city of Poughkeepsie, or the way Howard Carter excavared the tomb of Tutankhamun in 1922.  The theme, while important, is, in my opinion, not as important as the way it is developed through the structure of the poem.  (I think of a Poet who could have said, "Hey, I went on a tour of three different places and saw some mighty interesting things," but instead he wrote the three canticles of the Divine Comedy.)  Poets show us the real, or metaphysical, or cosmic meaning of things that most of us treat as mundane; consider T. S. Eliot's line from THe Waste Land---"I will show you fear in a handful of dust."  Unusual tours and handfuls of dust are not, of themselves, more or less significant than frozen dinners or tax returns---but a Poet can use them as bearers of significance far and above what the ordinary person might assign.  And that is what this poem demonstrates---so effectively and so elegantly, that one is almost disappointed when the Poem ends,  Over fifty years, now, I have been allowing a few Poems to enter my soul, while most are turned away at the door:  and this is one of those few poems that have not only entered, but has made a place for itself.  And all that happened in the hour or so since my first reading.


In the twenty or so years I have been on this site, I have really only seen one Poet whose Poetry operates with the subtle complexity that only the greatest Poets can command; and, overjoyed to find such a Poet, I did not think I would see another poem from another Poet with the same kind of quality.  Yet, here it is.  


I am going to recommend this poem to a friend of mine.  I rarely do that, but in this case, everything about this poem insists that I mention it to my friend.  Thank you for one of the finest reading experiences I have had here.


[A couple of hours later, I decided to amend this comment rather than post a third comment.  I just wanted to thank you for a side-effect of this poem.  I was facing a decision today, actually putting it off because I did not know which way to turn, but while writing these two comments, my mind was freed up and. just a few moments ago, the solution to the decision question just came rolling in.  I ascribe that to the effect of this magnificent poem on me.  And I thank you most sincerely.]


Starward

S74rw4rd's picture

This poem is like a

This poem is like a kalaidescope or choreography of meanings:  one not only reads, but also feels the words moving around their subject as they present all the variations of your perception of the meaning and purpose of intimacy.  Despite the casual conversational tone, this poem---in the way it is organized, in the way the lines are deployed, and in the way the subject matter shifts from one perspective to the next---is as complex, successfully complex, as finely balanced clockwork, or the powerful motion of a steam locomotive's gears and rods.  Forgive my similes:  I am simply trying to find an equivalent for the effect and impact this poem has brought to me as a reader.  I applaud your excellent literary accomplishment in this wonderful poem.


Starward