A House Is Not A Home (day 80)

I always miss you more when

I invite you back in,

when you pass through the doors behind my eyelids.


You’re an unwanted houseguest…

I accidentally called you

drunk on a Saturday night,

you’ve taken up all the couch space

and you just won’t leave.


I don’t think about

spending my entire life savings

on one glance into your eyes, your mind

until I unconsciously lean on your doorbell for too long.


Your heartfelt apology answers the door,

halfheartedly, in an old nightgown

It doesn’t need to impress me,

it’s done that many times over

before I learned it was just an afterthought you built

to keep me around, hold me at arm’s length

and let me fall to the concrete when I’m too heavy to hold.


It doesn’t reciprocate, it doesn’t invite me in

I tell it I didn’t mean to include you

on the invitation I sent out inviting the world to my bedroom

where all I can do is try to escort you out the door behind my eyelids

But apparently I did.


You’re stubborn, you want all the information

but you don’t want to waste the few minutes

so you don’t show up,

send spies to make sure I still open the door for you

Don’t want to waste the few minutes it takes to walk down the street that would draw out too many flashbacks,

don’t want to waste a little courtesy on me,

I’ve never been invited back to your house.


Despite that fact I let you in

I echo my past mistakes

by letting your memory in


When I shut my eyes

The door’s braced with the chairs I built

staying up all night trying to find wood to sacrifice to your flame,

keep it from burning everything that matters to me

But you still somehow manage to pick the lock


I invite you too many times a moment

into my living room, my table,

you clean me out of saltines and sanity

but I won’t let you through the door to my bed

there’s too many memories there

you’ve left a towering pile of dust on the carpet


And still your ghost haunts the house in my head

You won’t leave

You think you belong here

But a house is not a home.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/14/16

Heartfelt apology

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