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Survivor

My heart was starved for the peace of the unknown. My soul ached for freedom. Freedom from the captivity of the past. Past regrets, hurts, torment, anguish. I cried, cried out in the darkness for an immediate comfort from the pain. Lost, afraid, ashamed. There was no escape from what had taken place. I tried to hide. I fled to seek refuge from the demons that were haunting my every thought. Consuming me like lions devouring their latest kill. I tried to hide, I looked for the quietest place I could find. Only to discover that the most silent of places, are where your nightmares come to life. I looked physically for a detour. Please let any road take me away from the reality of what I was living. The emptiness, loneliness, hate, anger. Please don't let these conquer my heart. Choices made from fear, despair, the haunting of the present and the past.  No wisdom gained from raising myself. Guidance was only a word in a dictionary that I knew nothing of. At least not in my childhood. Hurt, lies, nothing of love to be seen in my present. Where was I, lying in the floor crying out. Crying out so loud to a God that I really never sincerely knew. Help me!! I beg you, deliver me from the chaos, torment, abuse. I give it to you! Heal me, make me whole! Please, for the first time in my life, show me love. Put your cloak over me. There is nothing much left of me. I have nothing left to offer you. My God replied, "Yes you do, yourself."