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peeling back the layers of my life

I can pull out the darkest things

and they serve no purpose

but to hound me into unworthiness

I guess I stumble and fall often

and the darkness draws the light

and I cant help it.

I cant chase away my sins

or the betrayal of my own happiness

I almost let the devil have his way with me again.

I nearly fell into the firey pit

and the Good Lord sent his white Knight to save me

and I was saved.

but I am loney in this tower

and

 forgiveness seems so easy

now that I miss the fire

I dont try to feed it it

 seems to exist on nothing

although it bites into me

 like a a rabid hound.

and these are thoughts of intollerablle honesty

I wish I could hide from.

that i, who want to cherish so much

 the blessings I have

and have paid for so dearly

 I should hold them high to the heavens and honour them

yet, rather, 

I still crave the greater cost of darkness

 like a moth to a flame

there is no help for the endlessly forgiving.

the road to hell it seems is paved with good intentions.

mine it seems is paved with forgiveness

and taking love for granted because even though

I will know the pain upon payment

of all i stand to lose

it is all erased

in that selfish act of forgiveness.

though the hard black line is drawn;

 my heart and soul simply ignores it.

all the wise and light in the universe

does no good for me.

a fool is a fool

even a wise fool

in when in love.

and this lusty fuck dust

is glistening so thick in our eyes*

 you can never see through it.

I wish it was that.

but it isnt.

its love.

pure and selfless

and it craves the darkness

because it wants so much

to balance everything

into one perfect shade of grey

where all things

 are ephemerally constant

and nothing but the motion of love

 sustains.