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Inside I feel this sensation of distant reality

Apart from all living and inanimate things

Off in some corner of some room


Some days I day dream about old places

I've been and imagine the emptiness of those places now

And how I was once there


I understand my defense mechanisms more and more


My mind in such subtle ways attracts vices to itself

To erect a wall of guilt, shame, ugliness, malice, hate,

And apathy around my soul


My shadow self teaches, has been teaching for so long to

My conscious mind, apart from it I cannot survive

I lust, chase, want, wish, hope for but it knows,

To protect me


For so long I've despised this part of me but now I know,

It is there, like a caring father, to protect me from

The cruel wounds that would be inflicted upon me

If it let me go where "I saw fit" to go


Love, sex, intimate relationships,

Would do nothing but hurt me

That is why I stay fat, unattractive, distant, shy,

And socially awkward


My shadow self, whom I call "Legion" crucifies those desires,

Over and over

I should know better by now, I should know better.


One person married

Cheating on her husband with another man

Who was out trying to pick up other women

He was caught by the woman's friend

But acted like nothing had happened

Another man was with a married woman

Also was unfaithful

Get what you can when you can what you want

Is just a step a way

EVERYONE thought nothing of it

All insane

I am insane not by choice

These people choose it

Choose pain, tears, brokenness

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