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The Former in White
A friend had said that your name had changed,
but aloft as I am, I was sure I had dreamed.
But now that I've seen your face all alight,
I see that you still look so beautiful in white.
And it takes me back to such bygone days:
my lungs had been cleaner and my hands did not shake.
I had promised to cherish and you were at stake,
but I failed to deliver and I've paid for mistakes.
It's been such a time since we had spoken or seen,
but maybe it's better to leave still waters serene.
My presence is accounted by prints in the dirt,
but I'll keep to my quiet and this primitive hurt.
I'd reach out to say that I hope for your best,
but you're keeping me at the arm's length behest.
And it's my understanding that he's better than me,
just like the others have tended to be;
but I'm growing a skin made of stone and acceptance
of drugs and the falter that preludes a dependence.
And maybe with this, I'll stand to the matter,
like the crowning of pots all destined to shatter.
Or maybe with this, I'll learn not to blather
at the prospect of hurting over subjects so tattered -
eventually coming to realize the fault
in stalling my progress for a girl from the vault.
Maybe with this, I'll be happy for you,
if I wasn't already from mourning 'til new.
All I might need is a few given ages
to accept that your name has been erased from these pages.
I really like this poem, my
I really like this poem, my favourite lines are
"It's been such a time since we had spoken or seen,
but maybe it's better to leave still waters serene.
.........
And it's my understanding that he's better than me,
just like the others have tended to be;
but I'm growing a skin made of stone and acceptance
of drugs and the falter that preludes a dependence.
And maybe with this, I'll stand to the matter,
like the crowning of pots all destined to shatter.
.........
All I might need is a few given ages
to accept that your name has been erased from these pages."
Even though just these don't sum up all of what you were saying/feeling I find that they have the most impact.
But yeah, it's really good
This life is the "once upon a time" kind of fairy tale that will sold to the masses 2000 years after it ends
Such poise, such distilling
Such poise, such distilling of emotion. This really does take the biscuit. And the cake, and most other desserts. It's FAN-tastic, your use of anapest here in particular stirs the emotion:
... - ... x .... - ... x .... - ... x .... - ... x .... - ... x....
" And it/ takes me/ back to/ such by/gone days:/
... - ... x .... - ... - ...... x .... - ...... x .... - ... - ... x .... - ... x....
my lungs/ had been clean/er and/ my hands did/ not shake."
Regular pentameter, followed by anapaestic? Just brilliant - line 5 has that sense of calm appraisal of the past, while the anapests in line 6 do a great job of metrically weakening your "hands", emphasising their "shake[ing]". The whole line feels like the jitters, almost like you're suffering from them as you write.
Also, I'm loving the rhyming couplets - I find these things so hard, I honestly don't know how Pope did it.
Well done on transforming your hurt into something beautiful.
"Satellite's gone
up to the skies.
Thing like that drive me
out of my mind.
I watched it for a little while:
I love to watch things on TV." - Lou Reed
Thank you very much.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Thank you for your kind words.