I Try

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Remnants

You know, I don't know just when it happened
But I'm happy that it did
I fell in love the moment
Those first words were said
Now, I think back to those early days
Before the end, before everything changed
And I wonder, as I sit and think
About all the things that passed through you and me
And I think, as I sit and wonder
About what this life would be if we'd never get fallen under


And I try so hard to move on
I try to get away
And I try to stop loving you
But whenever my mind strays
You're right there lying in my dreams again


So I keep trying my hardest to lie to myself
Deny the feelings inside of me
Forget all the things I thought we could be
Ignore all of the memories


My denial rises high in my mind
But the truth won't let me live the lie
No matter how hard I try
Whenever I look deep inside
I still see you by my side


But I keep trying my hardest to fight
I keep chasing my own denial
And I keep screaming into the sky
Chasing shadows in my mind


So I sit and I think and I try to forget
But I still can't get you out of my head

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The biggest problem when you let someone in
Is letting them back out in the end.... :/

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nightlight1220's picture

I used to have a really

I used to have a really difficult time with this, prior to understanding that I lacked adequate  communication skills. I do not think I am alone in my past neglects of assuming things I had no business assuming, and too, passing on inkings and inuendos of thoughts, gestures and misunderstandings that were easily made into assumptions by others. You reach a point when you have face people ---face to face, clarify what you mean, take back what you didn't mean, express your confusions about whatever it is you have the disconnect about, and accept what is left. many times what we are left with is an inability to face life on life's terms---because life can so often seem that it has handed us the sh**y end of the stick for no good reason. I wish you the very best...I believe your intentions are good, but very misunderstood. Never forget that there is nothing wrong with being you---unique, individual--yourSelf. You are love personified. That act can be a tough one to follow for us all. ~peace~

.....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communication.....................................


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

Communication

I have little issue with. I'm not some overcompensating 'tough guy' who's afraid of feeling, and I'm not so sensitive that I let everything affect me. I used to have a saying
"My skin's thick enough to not absorb anything, but not so thick that it blocks everything either" I'm pretty good at talking, and I only use obvious innuendo. But I never speak what I don't mean.
Some failures are just caused by ill timing, geographical obstacles, or fear. I think this one was all three... but I harbor no ill will, I'd just like to force myself to get over it, even though I can't seem to...


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

Listen to your-SELF, RoC, and

Listen to your-SELF, RoC, and what you are saying. To me, it would appear that you either do not want to face something truly ovrwhelming your capacity to deal with some hidden pain, or you just are breaking under the whatever pressures from the huge (huge) obstacles in your path. Seems obvious enough to me! All three!

 

I am a fan of face to face communication, un abashed by outside influences, and especially so, for those under the 'gun'!!! You speak of thes 'obstacles' as if they have nothing to do with real and intimate communication! If I had not had previous communication on your poetry level (which is extemely vague and shakey)...I might think you to be very INsensitive.  "Some failures are just caused by ill timing, geographical obstacles, or fear. I think this one was all three."  


something learned from my brother---"a soulmate is not just one who makes a person feel good. a true soulmate is one who never gives up making us face our deepest fears."

................................


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

She left me...

Or more, she chose someone closer. My poetry and songs are vague on purpose. Being obvious and direct is better saved for those face to face private conversations you refer to. My writing is just to offer a vague sense of whatever feeling crosses my mind and refuses to be left unwritten.


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

Thank you. THANK YOU for

Thank you. THANK YOU for revealing your authentic self---and God bless you. 

..................

 

My poetry and songs are vague on purpose

.......................

~peace~

.....................


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

Can't be too obvious

It would make me predictable. Women don't like men to be predictable. That'd make it too easy, and we all know that any woman worth being with likes a challenge :)


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

That may be absolutely true

That may be absolutely true for the type of woman you appear to be headed for, RoC. Good luck with that one. 

 

.................................


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

You telling me

That you like easy and predictable?


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

Ask my fiance'. Again, 'easy

Ask my fiance'. Again, 'easy and predictable does not mean stupid and momotonous---it means in tune with me...and knowing how to stay in tune. It means honest and being able to live up to ones word in as much as one feels capable of, given their situation. For some with extreme "obstacles" re: your previous comment: "Some failures are just caused by ill timing, geographical obstacles, or fear. I think this one was all three." --- make many things literally impossible due to their own misery. Throw a handful of nosy, unrelenting interfering idiots under the guise of 'caring' in there, and if there is still love with all that, that is love honey, and you apparently lost because she left you---and you orchestrated it to happen whether you want to have that much faith in yourself is up to you. No one can tell you or make you learn that a break up is ALWAYS a mutual decision whether conscious or unconscious. I'd say get over it and face the inner garbage. Clean house.

..........................................


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

If only it was that simple for me

Truth is...i tried, probably too hard. But it's not a matter for public record so i'll remain vague about it.
From my experiences, dependability and predictability are not synonymous.


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

What I understand you are

What I understand you are saying is that you like the torture, RoC. 

I think you need some professional and ethical treatment, and I bet the one you love will come running back. No woman likes a guy that wants to be tortured, nor do they enjoy torture...some (like it would seem you appear to be looking for, need help themselves)....and if that is the case, and you like 'unpredictability so much', then maybe you should take the chance on getting yourself some help and see what she does. And that (finding ethical professionals is a sketchy thing in itself these days)

 

Unless of course you like torture...which there are some that do...I am not a fan of that.

...................


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

Not a fan

Of torture either.
Just seem to always fall into it. But that's the risk of opening yourself to others, and it's a risk I'm willing to take, if I must. I was closed off for the longest time, and that's more torturous than any failure.
Like the Skillet song says "I don't want the pain, but I'd rather hurt than not care"
Suppose I could use a few lines from Rascall Flatts 'God Blessed the Broken Road' too.


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

Well, if you were able to let

Well, if you were able to let go of ego for a bit, and heed some professional ethical advice for yourself, you would learn how to steer clear of it. The choice is yours. being uncomfortable in difficult situations is necessary at times. Torture is something altogether brought on through a lack of strength in knowing the differnce between what is healthy and what is not. Best Wishes for your health. Love is not torture unless that is your idea of love---which is what you have actually said here.

................................


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

SSmoothie's picture

Oh no, you don't let them

Oh no, you don't let them out! That would mean you wasted your time! You can love something from afar quite easily, I would rather long for someone than be bored to death. When life is loveless or passionless this is karmic sin, be glad your heart seeks something it can see, rather than something that does not exist. Love long and passionately, its always the money or time the we can't master this drags us away from our ability to love greatly. I'm guilty as sin of that myself. No don't let them go, just move them aside leaving enough room for new passion as and love. There's always enough room.only the selfish shut thier hearts to keep others in. Hearts should be open doorways ready for every form of agape (higher love) To enter and exit as it pleases! Hugss ;) and I hope you find your way Through. 


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

RoC's picture

You know me

There's always a piece of me missing, cuz I gave it away
And there's too much love in me to just let it fade
But I wonder, is it still selfish to shut the heart to keep others out instead of in
And how could anyone shut their heart to keep you out or tethered?
For the first time, I give back your hugss ;)


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

Astral_Tides's picture

Nice SS. I do hold your

Nice SS.

I do hold your wisdom to high esteem.

And it is true to say if you let someone go they do not vanish.

They leave an imprint.

But keep in mind some, rare few, are toxic souls.

They would leach your soul dry if you were not to swat them from your skin.

But In RoCs case,

I think he would do well to stay attentive and responsive.

As some seek to ruin,

others bloom of the finest colors.

Time will speak of it all.

 

 

 


"The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible; but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence." R.W.E.

 

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SSmoothie's picture

Agreed higher love surely has

Agreed!  higher love surely has a key to the guarded Gate? Or maybe it slips through unrecognised from time to time. As for toxic souls, even they are worthy of love, how else will they learn to come clean? Toxic is a state. love, but only of the strongest kind can break it down . its always a good idea to say enough when you've had enough Though. Agreed Astral, I too hold your wisdom in the highest regard! Hugss always SS :) no regrets everything has brought me here and will take me beyond :) 


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

RoC's picture

Nontoxic

Just failed...
There are those who bend others until they break
Then there are those who always run away
And there are those who are just too afraid
To take a chance for a better kind of day
Then there's some where the distance is too great
Who lack the patience to wait
And out of fear, they make mistakes
And don't realize the mistake til it's too late
But while the past can't be erased
Still there's a chance to look for a new day
And as I still sit and wonder what may come
I know that mistakes can't be undone
And I still hold a shred of hope inside
That the mistakes may still be rectified
I try to move on from it
But with every new face, it just makes me miss
And think about those yesterdays
And the one who got away


I suppose that I'm in one of the twixt places where I still want what's gone away, and I can't stop comparing the new to what's gone. And we all know that the first ingredient in the failure recipe is chasing the shadows of yesterdays


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

Astral_Tides's picture

Love, it is a blinding light

Love,

it is a blinding light no?

So sweet and pure.

Alluring.

I got ya and completely agree.

And as the toxic ones may whittle down the edges,

so does your loving essence cast a shard within their void.

Destined to infect so sweetly.

I get you, and agree.

Move toward the light, or be moved by it.

 

 

 


"The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible; but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence." R.W.E.

 

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RoC's picture

The light..

Shines from within, not on the horizon
Introspection is the next logical progression after a bout of heartache, and the only way to find that light is to look deep down for it


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

Morningglory's picture

Oh, no doubt about it, RoC.

Oh, no doubt about it, RoC. Far to hard to let go...


Copyright © morningglory

RoC's picture

But we must, right?

Because if it was meant to be, it wouldn't be gone, right?


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

Morningglory's picture

Yea, I guess we just have to

Yea, I guess we just have to accept things as they are and move on. True love may be staring us right in the face but if we keep holding on to that which is gone, we likely wouldn't even notice it. Right? (then there's always that little nagger that says, no... don't let go... they might come back. It could be rekindled.) 


Copyright © morningglory

RoC's picture

That little nagger

Always neglects that they left in the first place.
"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, then it's meant to be"
But...."If it really loves you, it wouldn't want to leave"...if you ask me


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

Morningglory's picture

agreed... but every thing's

agreed... but every thing's circumstantial. So, I don't know. I'm wavering on that one. Sometimes people just need to step away so they figure themselves out better. One of my friends was married to a woman 30 years ago. They divorced for a number of years and got back together and remarried. Both are very happy together. I think they've been together for 10 or 14 yrs now. 


Copyright © morningglory

RoC's picture

So...

You're sayin that it's worth waiting for, then.
Cuz I'm seriously arguing with myself.


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

Morningglory's picture

I don't know about that.

I don't know about that. Those two I was talking about had let each other go. Then later found themselves back together. It probably wouldn't have worked out if one or the other was laying around waiting for it.  I do know this... twice in my life I got back together with men I'd split with and I ended up discovering that the relationships weren't working and had to exit. So, I'm probably not the best person to consult with about this. I'm just trying to get back to some sort of self-love, then perhaps at some point I'll really be able to give myself completely without co-dependence or some other unhealthy behavior. Good luck to us! 


Copyright © morningglory

Astral_Tides's picture

Ahhh man... I can relate to

Ahhh man... I can relate to this so well.

If it is killing you, sever the cord.

Thats what I had to do, and ... every day now gets brighter and brighter.

 

It seems, if you see it well enough, that people who change your life were meant to meet.

The difficult off side to that is determining what it was that their essence was meant to bring you.

Either a handfull of lessons,

or

A beautiful connnection to nurture.

Those Two seem to be the most common in my experience.

Although every situation is unique, I thought I would share mine.

Keep on keepin' on my good man.


"The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible; but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence." R.W.E.

 

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RoC's picture

I think

That they are all meant to teach us the same lesson
Who we are, who we'll be, what we want, don't want, and how to not give up
We fall, and we have to get back up again, no matter how hard it may seem.
Baby steps...one foot in front of the other, always forward, never back


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr