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I used to be so happy

I had no need for drugs or this mask.

I wonder where the happiness went

And why it left.



I used to be more social.

I didn't need to please everyone continuously,

I wonder why that changed

And why you won't accept me for who I am.



I used to smile of my own free will,

I didn't need prompting.

I wonder why I only smile to make YOU happy now

And why I don't for myself.



I used to be different from this.

I was able to be freely loving, straightforward.

I wonder why I am expected to be so still.

And why others can't face it that I've changed.



I used to be full of life, hating death

I now embrace death, hoping to hurry it along, sneering at life.

I know why that changed

And why I can't go back.



I used to wonder what you meant by saying

That I was dark and bright

I think I figured it out

And now I don't wonder, I know.