Author Information
to cannibalize a past
I remember in school
I refused to do as told,
So I was punished.
I’d walk home smiling,
Because I was able to forget
All the pettiness and mischief
Which elevated itself…
For my own good.
They said I could never
Save myself,
Now we’ll find out.
I had friends
Who tried to change me,
Some of them weren’t my friends,
Because they couldn’t change me.
I failed classes,
And counted in my head,
As I was being taunted.
I kept in the tears
When they started
Talking about their fathers.
I sucked it up,
And stared forward
When expecting the blows.
I had a good sense of humor,
And could make them laugh
When they gave me a chance;
So I gave it my all.
I developed a biting sarcasm.
Or I ditched for weeks,
And called it a vacation.
So you see I had a shame, which made me
Stoic, and accepting of loss
When it was time to be raped.
Or to smile and laugh,
Trying to prove I deserved
Some humanity.
In both cases
I was forgetting myself
Just to avoid death.
Now if I want to live
I have to cope
With what
I must remember.
An excellent piece to me. The past is something that could either be painful or soothing and happy. Sometimes the painful things that exist in our memories are deleted. They're ignored and we oblivously forget. Forgetting allows a person to deal with themselves in a better fashion. I just think that even if memories can be painful, these are memories that are integral (necessary) to do develop who we are today. If we just lived our lives by deciding which memories will be kept you leave out a part of yourself and the experiences that you had to deal with these painful memories. You erase part of yourself which I believe is simply wrong. To take the easy way out and just 'kill' these bad memories. What's the point of living if you only know one side of your memories (the good ones) but forget about the bad ones? It's like going in circles with just your good memories. And even if people treat you like dirt, scold you, make fun of you, and these are the reasons why you want to forget these bad memories, I wanna say that still, keep them, because in the end if you have the chance to prove these people wrong that you aren't the fool, the others are, having those bad memories will make your victory much sweeter that you've overcome things. You've overcome obstacles that were blocking your way in the beginning. That's my critique and my personal interpretation. Anyways, sorry if my interpretation doesn't come as close to your intention in this poem. But it still a great poem to me.