PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

 

 

INT – SUGAR JACKS STRIP CLUB – NIGHT

 

CLUB INTERIOR

 

JEFF follows JOHN inside the strip club.  

 

Bree Sharp’s ‘Cheap and Evil Girl’ plays overhead. 

 

To their right, SIN, a young leather-clad girl, squirms on a mirrored stage. 

 

JEFF (V.O.)

One-two-three-four-five-six-seven… there are seven piercings on her face alone!

 

BAR

 

JOHN walks to the bar.

 

JEFF is a step or two behind.

 

JOHN slaps both of his hands onto the counter, and looks directly at the bartender.

 

JOHN

I’ll have a cognac.

 

BARTENDER VIC turns to JEFF and speaks with a strong Eastern European accent. 

 

BARTENDER VIC 

And you? 

JEFF

Coke with no ice.

JEFF (V.O)(CONT’D)

Wow, I haven’t been inside a strip club in fifteen years and I’m still trying to take this all in.

 

BARTENDER VIC

No Coke.

 

JEFF

Okay, uh Pepsi then.

 

BARTENDER VIC

(sternly)

We have root beer, how about a root beer? 

 

JEFF

(puzzled)

No, fine, I’ll just get some kind of juice I guess.

JEFF (V.O)(CONT’D)

Wow, after seeing her bend like that I see she has four more piercings!

 

BARTENDER VIC quickly pours JOHN his cognac, then pops open a bright red tomato juice can and hands it to JEFF as they exchange money.

 

JOHN and JEFF begin walking towards the front of the club

 

CLUB INTERIOR

 

JEFF shakes his head and turns to JOHN.

 

JEFF

I'm here to have a good time and I'm stuck sipping on a V-8?

 

JOHN speaks from the corner of his mouth while lighting his cigarette.

 

JOHN

You should have ordered an RC.

JEFF

Wait—they have RC but he offers me a root beer when I order a Coke?

 

JOHN

Vic is from Yugoslavia, I don’t even think they have RC in Yugoslavia.  

 

JOHN’S Zippo lighter makes a metallic clink noise as it closes.

 

JEFF

What does he do when someone orders a rum and Coke?  Put tomato juice in it?

 

JOHN

No, that’s a piña colada.

 

JOHN playfully bops JEFF’S noggin with an open-handed ‘shoulda had a V-8’ slap seven years before the trend caught on.

 

JEFF

Shut up—even I know a piña colada is pineapple and coconut juice.

 

JOHN

Jeff, there are many different kinds of piña coladas.  I’ve seen ‘em made with tomato juice.

 

JEFF

Maybe you saw ‘em made that way when you were really drunk!

 

JEFF repays JOHN the open-handed forehead knock.

 

JOHN and JEFF move toward a table near the back.  

 

TABLE

 

JEFF (V.O)(CONT’D)

And like a barracuda to a drop of blood…  

LACEY, a scantily clad, very attractive stripper wearing a red string bikini immediately approaches JOHN and JEFF’S table. 

 

LACEY

Can I interest either of you fine gentlemen in a private dance? 

 

JOHN

What do you say, Jeff, she’s your type? 

 

JEFF

My type? What is that supposed to mean?

 

JOHN

She’s young.

 

JOHN giggles and turns to LACEY.

 

JOHN (CONT’D)

So how old are you anyway?

 

LACEY

Well, you have to be twenty-one to work here.

 

JEFF

So you’re twenty-one? 

 

LACEY leans over and whispers inaudibly into JEFF’S ear.  

 

JEFF

Really?

 

JOHN’S elbow hits JEFF’S rib.

 

JOHN

Don’t make a scene Jeff, just give her forty bucks.

 

JEFF

(still wincing)

Ow—forty dollars?

 

LACEY

Forty and up; depends on what kind of dance you want!

 

JOHN

Yeah, they’re in private rooms too!

 

LACEY

See, the forty dollars pays for the private room.  Anything extra you pay me for after we get into the room.

 

JEFF

Listen…

 

JEFF leans in to LACEY.

JEFF (V.O)

…as if she just by chance might have a nametag pinned onto her slinky outfit… 

 

LACEY

(pulling away)

It’s Lacey.  

 

JEFF

Listen Lacey, John and I need to discuss this a bit; we’ll catch up with you in a while.

 

LACEY

Okay.

 

LACEY shrugs and wanders away.

 

JEFF

John, I don’t know if I even have forty bucks on me!  Besides, I don’t see how my depression would be alleviated by emptying my bank account!

 

JOHN

Just try it and see.

 

JEFF

Well that’s quite a lot of money.  You forget I work at a record store.  I barely clear two-hundred and fifty bucks a week!

 

JOHN

Jeff, just how many CDs do you have anyway?

 

JEFF

Over three-thousand, why?

JOHN

Sell ‘em.  You can’t possibly listen to that many!

 

JEFF

I can’t sell promo CDs, I’ll get fired.

 

JOHN

Okay, I’ve got an idea…you trade ‘em with the dancers.

 

JEFF

John, I doubt these girls are going to take CDs in exchange for dances! Besides, I am not really in the mood to have a woman I can’t be with grind away on me for three minutes.

 

JOHN

Dude, this is not your ordinary strip club!  For one thing, they are half-hour shows.  For another, you can get comfortable—if ya know what I mean!  

 

JOHN rams his elbow into JEFF’S ribs again.

 

JOHN (CONT’D)

If you find the right girl she’ll give you a ‘sensual release’—ya know what that is, right?  

 

JOHN laughs as his elbow collides with JEFF’S ribs yet again, this time a little higher.

 

JOHN spots LACEY who has made one full tour around the bar.

 

JOHN continues his elbow-speak.

 

JOHN

Look, there’s Lacey again.  Perhaps she will want to go out for breakfast with us after she gets off.

 

JEFF

Yeah right!  None of these girls really get off.

JOHN

I meant off work, Jeff.  Dude, these girls are dying to hang out with guys like us! Sweet guys who pose no real threat to them.

 

JEFF (V.O)

Maybe that’s my problem, I’m too sweet.

JEFF (CONT’D)

No, girls like this want the dangerous types.  Why do you think gangster rap is so popular?  That subculture attracts the stripper chicks.

 

JOHN

It attracts gangs too.  That’s why Dominic only plays rock and country in here.

 

JEFF

Either that or he’s racist.

 

JOHN

Some of these girls like racist guys too! 

 

JEFF

Girls just like assholes in general.

 

JOHN motions to LACEY.  

 

LACEY turns and strolls back to the table.

 

LACEY

Yes, my dears?

 

JOHN

Jeff was wondering if you would like to go to Pancake Hut with us after you get off work. He has a huge CD collection—that he never listens to—and wants to know what kind of music you like.

 

LACEY

Jeff?

 

JOHN 

(pointing to JEFF)

Yeah, this is Jeff. 

LACEY

Oh him?  The big guy who won’t buy a dance from me.

 

JEFF

Well I could trade you a few CDs for a dance.

 

LACEY

Hmm, I’m not really supposed to, but… do you have that one by Next?

 

JEFF

‘Rated Next’?

 

LACEY

Does it have ‘Too Close’ on it?

 

JEFF

Yeah.

 

LACEY

That’s the one

 

JEFF

Uh, I can get it, I guess.

 

LACEY

Okay, how about anything by Luther Vandross?  The DJ here only plays rock and country.

 

JEFF

Sure, I can get that one too.

 

LACEY

Okay, you get me those CDs and I will give you a dance—just topless though—and not in the private room.

 

JEFF

Okay, I’ll do what I can.

 

JOHN

So you’re coming with us to breakfast?

LACEY

Uh, that’ll cost you a lot more than two lousy CDs!  

 

LACEY smiles and drifts toward another customer.

 

JEFF seems dejected and turns to John.

 

JEFF 

I don’t have either of those CDs in my collection.  I’d have to buy both of them and even with my discount; those two CDs will cost me well over twenty dollars!

 

JOHN

(chuckling)

At least she’s not asking you for Amy Grant! Can’t you get promo copies?

 

JEFF

Now?  No.  That Next CD came out two years ago! 

 

JOHN

So?

 

JEFF (V.O.)

Rationalizing the rigmarole of the record industry is tantamount to telling a thorny tongue twister:  Premeditated promoters purposely produce paltry promotional production, primarily to propagandize products periodically.  It’s purely pragmatic and practical plus promos pander to the present not the passé.  Labels laboriously liquidated LP’s and generally were genuinely generous about getting CDs sent to stores; unfortunately, Power employees’ insatiable avarice often outweighs a label’s openhandedness.  

JEFF (CONT’D)

I have to grab ‘em when they first come out or somebody else will.  

JEFF (V.O)(CONT’D)

Sometimes I have to paraphrase to John.

JEFF (CONT’D)

Besides, everyone at work knows I don’t listen to R&B. She’s gonna want the ‘Best of’ Luther Vandross CD too, and it’s a two-disc set!

 

JOHN

How do you know all that if you don’t even listen to R&B?

 

JEFF sighs and rests his face in his palms.

 

JEFF

I just do…I just do.  Once I knew the name of an album cut on some Andreas Vollenweider CD.

 

JOHN

Ond-ray-us What-en-vy-der?

 

JEFF

He’s this new age harp dude.  This customer came in looking for an instrumental harp song he heard on KINK radio’s Lights Out radio show.  It was something about a cavern or a rock formation.  I said, ‘I bet you it’s Andreas Vollenweider.’  Sure enough, it was.

 

JOHN looks at JEFF in a daze.

 

JEFF (CONT’D)

John, when you file music for over fifteen years, a lot of seemingly useless information sticks with you.

 

JOHN

Sort of like how I know that if you act like an asshole around strippers they will want to go to breakfast with you?

 

JEFF

Dude, she’s not going to come to breakfast with us!  We’re not the right kind of assholes!  We have to try.  To guys who date strippers, it just comes naturally.

 

JOHN

Hey, let me borrow twenty bucks; I’m getting a private show.

 

JEFF reluctantly hands John a twenty.

JEFF

You better pay me back!

 

JOHN motions to CHEYANNE, a blonde dancer who approaches him.  

 

JOHN stands and puts out his cigarette as CHEYANNE leads him back toward the private dance area.

 

JEFF shakes his head.

 

JEFF

Wow.



BAR

 

Thin Lizzy’s ‘S&M’ plays loudly.  

 

NATASHA is on stage unlacing her thigh-high boots.  

 

SIN approaches the bar clutching an armful of crumpled one-dollar bills against her naked breasts.  She opens her arms and they fall onto the bar on front of VIC.  

 

Three one-dollar-bills remain, stuck to SIN’S sweaty chest, strategically covering her nipples.  

 

DENNY is at the other end of the bar feeling frazzled and fatigued with multiple drink orders.  

 

JEFF rises from his roost and approaches the bar.

 

JEFF

Hmm, Denny, right?  You used to work at Pancake Hut.

 

DENNY

(pouring drinks)

Still do, this is just my second day here.

 

JEFF

Moonlighting, huh?

DENNY

I guess you could say that!

 

JEFF

Well I always thought it was sort of funny, a guy named Denny managing a Pancake Hut.

 

DENNY ignores JEFF’S comment.

 

DENNY

What’ll you have?

 

JEFF

Coke with no ice.

JEFF (V.O.)(CONT’D)

Maybe John’s right, I am a lightweight— 

JEFF (CONT’D)

No, wait, on second thought, I’ll have a rum and Coke- with no ice.

 

DENNY

I don’t think we have Coke

 

JEFF

Oh yea, that’s right.  So does anyone ever mix rum with tomato juice?

 

DENNY

Sure—

 

DENNY immediately starts pouring.

 

DENNY (CONT’D)

One Bloody Piña Colada coming up!

 

JEFF

Uh, that’s not… oh never mind, I’ll try it.

 

JEFF slouches over the bar and slowly sips this dreadful drink made with rum and tomato juice.  

 

JEFF (V.O.)(CONT’D)

Ice actually would make it better.  Drinks should not taste better with ice!  

 

On stage, NATASHA finally gets her boots unlaced.