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Dominant by Default, Done Right by Humble Determination
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DaddyO's BDSM by DaddyO
As to the labels "Dom" or "sub", I believe "Dominant" is the default. It takes a lot of very determined hard work to actively submit your will to another. It's much easier to submit with partial deeds and actions.
In our community, this "submission to the will" vs. "willingness to submit to certain things" seems to be what separates subs from slaves.
Those aspiring to be subs utilize their personal dominance by declaring the submissive role in select relationships.
Humility is all that's required of anyone to succeed in the submissive role, and that trait is innately contained in the actions of being submissive. But humility is a much more difficult task to pull off while maintaining a display of dominance, yet it is just as an important element to being a successful Dominant.
Humility is all too often seen as weakness, but I would like us to promote a paradigm shift and start seeing humility as strength.
Oddly enough, males, referred to as "the stronger sex", appear to me much more eager to display submission less selectively. Or, to use a more positive term, they express submissive qualities more freely.
I think this is because men generally don't need to say "I'm submissive...but not to just everyone", like many submissive women preemptively do.
I understand why they feel the need to do it, it is because too many men try to take advantage of them based on the patriarchal power society already has in place, even before any declaration of submission or real interpersonal encounter begins.
All men need to do is claim to be "Dominant" and ride the pony of privilege advantageously. And who can blame them? It often works. And here is where it gets tricky to not "victim blame."
Too often women who are attracted to confidence (which most women are) misread arrogance and bullying as confidence. Those things are actually traits of insecurity.
Many women allow this (oftentimes unintentional) abuse to happen. And the male libido is overwhelmingly strong, so it takes the perfect blend of humility, confidence, finesse and most of all restraint for men not to utilize their dominance in an abusive manner.
And when I say "abuse" I don't mean intentionally abusing or non-consensually hurting my partner, I mean abuse of the power my male privilege already bestows upon me.
Because it is so difficult, I choose to call myself a "Daddy" and not a "Daddy Dom." This doesn't negate the fact that I am voraciously dominant, instead it emphasizes (to me) my need for practicing humble restraint.
Which my gender insists I do to the end of my days.
