"Open Letter to a More Famous Poet"


by Jeph Johnson


I went to your concert by myself,
even though I had two tickets.
(you did sparkle)
I reasoned it would be ok
because I would have more room
with an empty seat beside me
I heard you tell a story
between songs
about an overweight friend of yours
who had killed himself.
he just did it one day
you were trying to console us...
it was supposed to be a warning
not to take your own life.
after telling this story,
all you could tell me
is not to give up,
someone will love me
did you ever sleep with him?
of course not!
he was fat!
my teeth are straighter,
but you complain about,
(adored by millions)
how your phone never rang
up in Alaska
(I don't even know the area code up there) and men ogling your breasts.
...for a moment...
think about men having breasts.

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