"Clergynity"

 

by Jeph Johnson

 

I asked a religious friend of mine, who is a big fan of Pearl Jam, and is always trying to convince Eddie Vetter abortion is wrong,

 

(so are condoms, by the way)

 

how many 33-year old virgins he knew.

 

I was trying to argue that being a devoted Christian for ten years made me some sort of weird freakish outcast.

 

No one believes me anyway, and then when I try to explain myself I get smirks of disbelief.

 

I was told by my church-going buddies (who'd lost their virginity in high school while "backsliding") that some girl will really appreciate it some day.

 

Now all I meet are single mothers, divorcee's and seventeen-year-old's who are more experienced than I am.

 

...and they could care less!

 

I asked him again: 

 

"How many 33-year-old virgins do you know of?" 

 

He smiled.

 

I had forgotten he was Catholic.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

1999, 2017

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