REMEMBERING A LOVE THAT COULD NEVER BE

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JOURNAL # 41

how strange it is

to read him now

I have moved on

while he has sat stagnant

as I read his plunder

of thoughts

it is 2009 all over again

when in reality it is 2014

amid a warm May's wind

the oddity of his rut

makes me melancholy

a sad lonely figure

he rather chooses to remain

he may pen otherwise

but once he had a very real

chance

to change his destiny

by merging his warmth

with an equal to his depth

and he chose not to

instead he sunk back

on his heels

and dreamed even more

of his long distant past

I wish him well

respect his talent greatly

but one must give their

love undivided

and not perpetually wonder

away longing for a past

that can never be..............

(May 29, 2014 1107am)

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Had a little bit of interaction with someone from so long ago who once meant so terribly much to me but gradually they pulled away and moved on. I couldn't take the constant many months separated without a word so I just let them go. They seemed happier in their solo life with just their memories of some long ago dead love and though it hurt looking back now I realize it was never meant to be. A live woman could never make such a man happy as he would compare that live woman to his dead ideal woman and nobody could live up to a memory. I smile when I think about him and I recall him in his momentary beauty and depth for me.  I'll always wish him well but a part of me sure will be a little saddened that he just couldn't make the leap from fantasy to reality. I think I would have done his heart a lot of good and if he would allow it he would have done the same likely for mine. I'm happy where I am but every so often I must admit I do ponder other paths that may have developed between us had we taken more care to procure them.

 

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Pushkva's picture

I've done the same as you. 

I've done the same as you.  In fact the poem on which you commented, To Hold Each Other's Breath, was written for my first love.  We were to be married right out of high school.  Things fell apart when I went into the navy.  About 30 years later we reconnected and...........fell in love all over again <sigh>.....but that "love" was the same anesthetic as it was back in high school; both love times unhealthy, but fun just the same and very real, at least to us, at the time.  Like you, I still go back and dream of those "other paths."  I saw a quote once.  It went something like this.  "What could have been doesn't exist (or it may have said 'never existed').  So, don't go there."  I don't like that quote very much.  It's a reality check.  LOL!

 

Thanks for sharing you heart and soul in your work.

 

peace peace

palewingedpoetess's picture

No, I must thank you for reading and connecting at some level.

That is one of the best gifts of a poet.  Empathy, and the ability to see and understand at a deeper level than  most others. It was a pleasure to read your work yesterday and a pleasure to share some cognitive conversation on important matters with you today. A gift I did not expect to receive so again it is I who should be thanking you. Now, be off and write some more astonishingly lovely poetry so I'll have something to read. Smiles, Sincerely, Melissa