it was a day tinged with
interaction's taint
and a brief moment of bliss
I stand all a teeter
at the edge of
a new life
about to unfold
yet I feel precariously adrift
it's a splotchy day for my heart
that sounds like something
my grandma would say
so many half conversations
I had
with others and many times
just with myself
I do have faith
I trust God with everything in me
real and imagined
and I know I will be alright
I'm just a mess that needs to
clean herself up
but still sometimes I must admit
the nothingness verses change
scares me
its a 'Flawed Perception' in my
own mind
I am certain
but still its there
and it feels so real
I have my low days
like most
when I need supported
but I'm the only one here
and I just don't feel strong enough
to pick myself up
chuck myself under the chin
and give myself a zippy pep talk
hug myself and be my own
father to me
so instead I called Mommy
and I let the sound of her
soothing, blessedly familiar voice
talking about her Doctor retiring
make me feel better
and then it hit me like a light bulb
coming on
I think my world has to get much smaller
before it can get much bigger
that one thought went to the very essence
of just what it was I was suppose to
that even at low tide fish can still swim
its just a lot harder...........
(June 5, 2010 219am)


Author's Notes/Comments: 

feeling low and trying to pull myself out of the pit.

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