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CONTEMPLATING THE EFFECTS OF LAZARUS LONG
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JOURNAL#15 he mesmerizes me
with his stormy young heart
cast behind such controlled sarcasm
leaving me to question my own ever enthusiastic
curiosity in the wake of his well practice
rough veneer
I clamp down on my usual much too fidgety demeanor
though I manage to appear calm, quaintly quick
witted and rather knowledgeable in his oh so welcomed
presence
knowing full well that certain necessary facades do
indeed attract me much too greatly
I am the epitome of the subtle observer
(who would have known)
though this offers no clear diagram still,
as to the direction of my solitary dilemma
the idea to simply be a confidant
flies without the aid of wings through my
already rushing mind
just what is it that I seem to require from this
so very startlingly unique young man
some shred of verification for our seemingly
comfortable rapport that we seem to have with
each other
have we walked a similar distant path through
a previous ripple in time or has my ever hopeful
imagination yet again galloped far beyond any
possible foolishly forgone conclusion
my intensely baffling interest is still much too
unclear
he flawlessly seems to command my reactions and
I feel so very challenged
to be so much more when around him
what an absolutely riveting confession
to be a far better and brighter Melissa
one who is worthy of his rarely offered attention
why, that must be it
I find that I am surprisingly drawn in
but only just so far enough to gaze
upon the very tip of this enchanting yet
exquisitely complex fellow human being
just like the enraptured tourists in the
great Antarctica
viewing the vast and pure majestic ice burgs
perched what seems like so precariously upon
the glade
why, I say then inspire me further to even
higher iced plateaus of personal awe
dearest, quietly clever conqueror of mine
humility's solid, splendid repose
I give to you a gold embossed go ahead
so work your never ending magic
and seal off from me
any yet even undiscovered flaw..............
(Jan. 13, 1997)
