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realization became my Christmas present tonight

knowing full well

at last

that he will never truly be mine

no matter what the time of day

nor who in the end is considered right

still

it bloody well hurts

like hell I could say

I just wish I could feel nothing

even if only for a single hour

as my poor abused heart sure could use

even the smallest reprieve

my unreturned love is actually

bleeding the thought to be bleed less..........

(June 1, 1998)