CHAINS OF UNDERLYING SENTIMENT

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JOURNAL #20

a wish is lark's choice

whether natural or otherwise

quite tinny can be

the yet used voice

devout reason

a true marksman's grip

I hear cycles of imminent change

why even in the sparing wind

the breeze for its trouble

only further translates my own

chagrin

I promised myself not so very long ago

that I wouldn't too easily give up nor in

and yet here I stand

envisioning you

beyond the mere mortals reach of love

all warm, fuzzy, alive and brilliantly vivid

in your every breath

what a class less fool I have been

and yet

chance for the moment

hold for me such incredible hope in the

palm of its quiet no non sense hand

and it pays with such prophetic appeal

I have dreamed just of this so often

how can I myself

better explain

so to bind my thoughts

so to you to better them reveal

if one looks long enough

and with enough longing at the

nondescript back of one's most

fervent dream

its image can often become distorted

and it can appear not so much as it is

but rather as one would like it to seem

that in a sense is wishful thinking

examined up close

that is how I saw you and in my rose

colored foolishness

I, in turn allowed you to much too freely

witness my much too overly enlightening

mismanagement of emotional funds

needless to say the crash of '29'

was nothing compared to the black

Saturday's reign of tears you unleashed on

me

the words 'we're just friends'

are now forever etched in my throbbing

sore, embarrassed heart

I played my every conceivable card and lost

forgive me if I took undue advantage of your

simple admiration and respect

I never meant you any discomfort or lingering

regret

wrapped up as I was in my solo longing

too obviously now

I completely misjudged

the 'CHAINS OF your UNDERLYING SENTIMENT'......

(April 11, 1999)












Author's Notes/Comments: 

feeling wholly rejected by my friend Dave when I needed him most. A common story that weaves throughout the fabric of my life.

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