BRANDISHING PITY

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JOURNAL#18

release me from the violent arms of a most

terrifying death

or rather

that which holds me suspended in such a dark

intense feeling

with my own personal revulsion

so breathlessly close

yet protect me with gentle sweet peace of mind

from their chilling choking grip of such supremely

surrounded urgently firm eternal repose

as I must so sorely confess

I took the truth from its very own tale

by callously ripping wide open suspicion's angry

head

on bitter bemusement's jaggedly jealous nail

a heartless marauder was I

and quite purposefully alone

I tirelessly managed the most mean of all moments

that terrorist rejection

so to somehow neatly move beyond the grisly gore

of such gripping self doubt

without even a hint of any glaring great fault

nor even a little fail

as I was peaked to return to my less than vicious

self you see

yet so very determined was I

to not so noticeably fail

hanging all alone in such sawing wind

even when the wind began to  hail

as the adventure there was to be gained

war's best in the faultlessly frail

however

unbeknownst to a once so mighty me

the scorched mismatched shadows of my misery

had malevolently marked me as their own

for just what it was I had become

a frightening displaced hungry young woman

and before even I myself had fully realized

the all too fetching folly

I was deceptively indebted to a most cleverly

masked unique desperation

which all but destroyed any previous hope I had

hinged on even the faintest notion of self

preservation

so spite in the end

all too sadly enough

managed to pin me to

the one feeling in life

I dreaded the most

Pity

the truly unloved's

thorny badge of disgrace................

(June 21, 1998)


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