here I lay in my comfortable not so old but reliable

bed without anything but my threaded thoughts to

blanket me from the cold

to whom have I sold myself short and for what have I

let myself get rolled like dice

all the happiness I've acquired and held in a heart beat

was lost so now I must roll again in attempt of being


I've let myself become some mentally ill martyr

and lord only knows I play the part to the back of the


six years age difference in the opposite way

now that seems to be the current state of my affairs

its like having no legs and seeing ahead of you

a lifetime of stairs

the tarnished term generation gap has never been an

easy word to relate to

only up until recently when it directed its evil stare

at me and you

could I tackle it as an issue

I can only withdraw within myself so far

I deliberately put myself out in the presence of


for too close of an appraisal covers up even the

ugliest scar

just love that is all that is said everyone needs

and some would also say its not good business to doubt

its selfless good acts and deliberate deeds

I no longer have the luxury of being held in the sweet

arms of self pity

so I arm myself with words of good diction and so

blade like sharp

that they make me seem witty

so black, I write out my tense little take

I fight my reluctance to conform tooth and nail

what will become of me and my marvelous young male

his youth and love added to my own

together could become so frightened and distorted

that they may miserably fail............

( written Feb 13,1992 pm)

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