from the deep cracks in my soul to the very depths

of despair

my feelings of being undermined by the unfairness

I can not allow  myself the chance to spare

such dark forms of injustice can not be allowed to go on

every man despises the very idea of being used

like an appointed pawn

I can not be expected to sit where another has

sat before

a good argument is medicine for the mind but physical

violence I absolutely abhor

so the tyranny of one's touch has started to take its

tiresome toll

pushing me to the very limit with its jaggedly pointing


scaring me into forgetting just what I came looking


not another wall to bang my head against haphazardly

but the ease open possibility of an unlocked door

behind its rusty nearly unused hinges I hope to find

something I lost so long ago

a small but not inconsequential piece of my mystical


and when I do it will be so much easier to keep

taking myself on

but with a fistful of hope my self distrust I can

only wish away to be gone

perhaps I'm just stringing questionable circumstances

quietly along

missing most of the lyrics by trying to hard to hear

the soft melody of the sad sweet song

while I was listening I did come to realize that to

this place in my life I don't really belong

but when and where did I lose my place

why did everything fail me and become so disrupted

and wrong

the wait I have for such an answer I'm sure is meant

to be exceedingly long

this must be what it feels like to be the little

white ball

in the game of ping pong.............

( written Feb 11, 1992 pm)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I sure wrote about deep but strange things in those days. I guess you could say I thought really big about small stuff sometimes!(laughs)

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