A DIM SHADE OF BLUE

Folder: 
JOURNAL#4

turbulent torment leaning towards
a too tested temper
I take it all in
without even the tiniest whimper
sometimes I take on the characteristics
of a sponge
absorbing all that there is about
even on the path of destruction
it is I who chooses the route
utter craziness seeps into
my fine young blood
creating mayhem
by cooling the fires within
with an unstoppable flood
if I had the guts
I'd take myself away from everything
and live in a vacuum
it would be easier to live my life without
all its distractions
I would presently presume
what will this world be like when I've gone
never to return
I think about this from time to time
but it isn't an all encompassing concern
do you realize it has been a week
since I bent this page's imaginary ear
only seven days but
it seems like a seventh of a light year
I got a little antsy
just thinking about
what I lately haven't done
I can't wait until I take my trip to Alaska
maybe I'll accidentally meet someone
to make me forget all my old, lonely loneliness
now wouldn't that be quite a fashioned feat
you see, mistakes are one of those things that
no one ever wishes to repeat
when I close my eyes I can almost see across
the next decade
if I could truly see such things clearly
there indeed would be a hefty price that would
have to be paid
so I purposely ponder so to shake out all the flaws
it's hard not to answer when desire's desperation
calls..........
(written July 3,1991)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

how writing only further helps me clean up the mess I felt back then I had inside me yet still to clean up............

View palewingedpoetess's Full Portfolio