my love metamorphosed into

strangely enough

a love no more

the pain so private

ate away at all the love

once so sublime

I lost parts of my soul

only to find a much more

strengthened heart

more completely intact than


though minus the before mentioned


and more ready to move on

than it has ever been before

oh, but how I dread the upcoming


the one I must try to fight for him

just like the one I somehow unknowingly

fought within myself

and perhaps even won

though I still am not so entirely sure

his pending pain

will be my growing guilt

the weight of such shame

my fondest regret

why did I have to change

I would give almost anything to spare him

such hurt

but I know that I can't

if I could take all his pending pain

upon myself and bare it for him

note that I gladly would

but the process just doesn't work that way

I hurt so much once

now sadly enough

he too must have to hurt

our final waltz together

is nearly over now

and he has yet to even fully realize it

but from me

he must find the strength in himself

even if unwillingly

to take his cue

how very sorry I am

that my own pain

had to spill over onto you

can you ever forgive me?

my once so very precious love..............

(March 18, 1998)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

the steady deterioration of
my first marriage........

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