SURROUNDED BY UNCERTAINTY

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JOURNAL#3

my life is plugging along just fine
I feel to be on the good side of lucky
when comparing others' lives to mine
on my hands you will find
find no mixed nor bad blood
even in an era such as this
where every other noun spoken
out loud is Scud
I feel more so lately the strong arms of
religion's pull
I haven't felt this uncertain about any
one thing in particular
since I was a small child in grade school
in a time when there is so much
accomplishment to be put before our eyes
and told that almost transparently juxtaposed
to it is an artistically refined bleakness
in certain circles to want to help others
less fortunate outside one's own niche
is commonly thought of as genetic flaw or
weakness
is this introversion of our society widely
accepted or thought to be fair
why don't we put that very question to a
starving child who looks to volunteering
kind souls with emptiness in its eyes that
can only stare
of all these people
why must a handful but a few be spared
a lot could be done for ourselves
as well as our unknown siblings
if we only done so much as cared
I have it rather well, one would think
why then would I take to the page so to bitch
when I'm one of those who wants what they could
never have or be
Why,I couldn't be content
even if I were filthy stinkin' rich
to speak of such a deep personal perception
makes my hand as I write nervously twitch
I look for the good to come out of the bad
or vice versa
but I can't make out which one is which
maybe next prose I'll recognize just how
the two made the switch
I shall leave you now for if I don't
this attempt once more at prose writing
I may indeed decide to pitch..........
(written May 5,1991 in the pm)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

in my early 20's I was so full of self questions and rambling commentary.

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