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WITHOUT MY YOU(about my missing someone I've yet to meet!)
Folder:
JOURNAL #20 across the miles
why even space itself
comes home
in a snit
I curse the time
that separates us
where whispers of discontent
once blew ever so gently
through my fascinated mind
now such storms could rival Hugo's
own bitter devastation
honestly
as where would the ship be
without its anchor
lost and alone
on the cold open sea
forever aimlessly adrift
I ache so frantically
just to get one glimpse
at your so beloved familiar port
yet I know in my breathless
heart I likely shall not
tears fight me for their release
its as if this life's time is a test
one I must make my own strength
(not yours ) to pass
and partly in turn
I must do so
by not having you
just this once with me
I don't even know if you are here
in this now that I occupy
all I can do is so lovingly long that you
are
surely you must be
as I can feel you
and yet I also
simultaneously feel
so very deeply the loss of not
having you here
its all so confusing
I keep thinking
one day
on this plain of the humanistic path
we will meet again
and like the finest forms of Copperfield magic
we will click
two intertwined links in the chain of life
the very same chain that links the anchor to
that same before mentioned ship
once so very aimless
but no more
only then will I cease to feel this constant
engulfing void
that has steadily eaten at my sensitive soul
far longer than even I can adequately recall
yet sometimes I truly wonder if this is all
just a wound able product of my naturally
deep and lonely imagination
well if so
then this affliction of missing you seems
so amazingly real
so much so
that such searing pain
can not be so easily dismissed
just what is it that I so need to learn
that I can only do so 'Without My You'
I hope that whatever it is its a doozy
perhaps humility
perhaps strong singular evolve meant
deeper sense of self to better put to use
my poetic poignancy with these words
my heart and mind so enjoy making love with
whose to really say but writing saves me
from the jaws of deep depression's lure
so rather I choose to live every day to the
maximum fullest with
my heart's inner eye always trained on the very
moment
I will be with you again
I just can't help myself
but thankfully
I believe God understands and by far better than
anyone else can
this is my pilgrimage of sorts
and my commitment
is still pending
I must move forward
ever hopeful
ever anxious
physically I go
yet emotionally
I wait as..............
yours
just like always
ever after...............
(March 7, 1999)
