when does complete certainty come into play

this unforgiving limbo in the mind

takes a very disturbing toll on the heart

allowing me to feel new dimensions to the term


I wonder from this strange but so very real


when if ever am I going to fully wake

and when will I feel right again

or as near to it as I can expect to be

it seems I've lost yet simultaneously

found so much of myself in but one torturous


I find  these days quite a lot I simply pray

for death

but thats the cowardice way out

I need to find an unused path

the road signs are at present much too dark

but the light of hope

will aide me in my quest

and sometimes thats all we have to aide us

in our darkest hours

its almost embarrassing to know

that God hers me each and every time I cry

if I had been a better person

I would have never allowed any of this to take


confusion is so very good at battering one's


starting first of course with its human face

steadfastly once again I solemnly buck up to

keep trying

I worry over my obvious waning ability to do

so though

and I am helpless to my own ugly inner horror

Stephen King himself would toast my demons

way entirely too damn much

and because of that tiny part alone

God still loves me all the more

I may be failing or at least feeling as if I

am at every turn

but he  knows that I am trying so desperately

hard not to do so

on such comforting thought

I do believe sleep will alas allow me to be

taken away for minimal reprieve just now

eight hours of shear uninterrupted oblivion

I label such natural function as a subliminal

pause to mindless bliss

I do not know what I would do without the option

of sleep

and these blessed pages....................

(April 14, 1998)

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