I Survived The Sui-Slide

"I Survived The Sui-Slide"

I like to read cute bumper stickers,

But not on MY vehicle.

There's only one that I ever bought.

The story just might tickle.

You may or may not believe me when,

You read what happened to me,

But maybe you'll get a laugh or two

And that I can guarrantee!

I'm scared of water, I'm scared to death!

It is really quite a pain.

I lose my breath in the shower stall,

With water flowing down drain.

So that's why I never learned to swim,

And I hate a swimming pool.

But once on vacation years ago,

I played the absolute FOOL!

We had spent the week in Florida,

My two youngest sons and me.

We had rested there and had such fun

In our trailer by the sea,

That all inhibitions left me flat,

Mind and body at such ease,

That I did the stupidest thing there!

Thoughts of it weaken my knees.

We were heading home, for one last thrill,

The boys yelled, "The Sui-Slide!"

I thought, "What the heck?" and pulled right in.

My smile at least a mile wide.

"Come, go with us, Momma," both boys called,

And so I started to climb,

Ben in front and Gary in the back,

Then came the rest of the line.

It's supposed to be the biggest one--

Water slide--in all the south.

When we got to the top, I looked down,

Oh!  Me and my big mouth!

My pulsebeat was thrumming like Dixie,

My heart was stuck in my throat!

People lined up for acres behind,

And me the world's biggest dope.

Ben said, "You'll love it!" as he let go,

"I'll catch you when you come down!"

I know there was music and laughter,

But I thought, "I MIGHT DROWN!"

People were antsy behind me then,

And I shook from head to my feet.

I KNEW it was going to happen--

Almighty God I would meet.

Ben at the bottom was summoning,

Gary behind me said, "GO!"

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't,

Praying aloud I let go.

I slid for a half mile unconscious,

Until I happened to think!!



For lack of a better escape route,

I did the one thing I could.

I grabbed on the sides of that monster

And squeezed them as hard as I could!

Just Zipping along, I then halted,

Half down the South's Biggest Slide.

Those people were stacked high behind me!

Some cursed, or shouted, or cried.

From somewhere far off from the roaring

I heard my middle son's voice,

"Come on, Momma," he said "I'll catch you!"

I knew then that I had no choice.

So I used my hands to keep 'braking',

As I slid on down by degrees.

My Ben helped me out of the water  

Which touched just above my knees.

I know everybody was angry.

I know they thought, "She's a nut!"

But I'm so darn scared of ALL water,

I'd rather be anywhere but,

So I stopped dead still in the middle,

Of the South's Biggest Water Slide,

Then I bought my first bumper sticker--

Said, "I Survived The Sui-Slide!"

Music: Alleycat


Author's Notes/Comments: 

I should have taken the opportunity to become a criminal at that time.  I had NO FINGERPRINTS for at least a month.  They were burned off by the friction of stopping myself cold....

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Richard Weller's picture

Very good. God has blessed you exceedingly.

alf's picture

hahahahahaha I can see that brown stain behind you, all the way down. In the army they call it a confidence course, and yes, we stupidly go all the way and suffer for days after.

Glad you did it Jess.

Lesa Gay's picture

HEHE!! This was darling. Yes it did bring a chuckle and thank you so very much for it!

I will give you this Jess, I would not have even started the climb to the top.

Thanks for the smile.


Sara Floodman's picture

HILARIOUS!!!! I admire the rhyming, too. Where did you get the background and music? Very clever.