Wishes

Folder: 
Pre-2006 Poems

A tear of pain.

A cry for help.

Arms out,

But nothing to grab.



I like to be alone.

Stand on the beach,

Looking out over the dark expanse.

The waves crash into the shore.

The momentary bang,

And the lingering silence.



I stand in the wind.

Thinking.

Just thinking.

Its more relaxing then you know.



Quiet and sullen,

A more happy me.

Reserved and thoughtful,

How I usually am.

Yet trained to be loud and an asshole,

As you want me to be.



It’s odd,

When I’m myself,

How something’s wrong.

I have my shit to deal with,

And certain things bring it on.



A certain word,

Or idea.

A reference,

Or joke.

It’s not your fault,

It’s mainly my own,

For letting it bothers me for so long.

Yet I can't help myself.



It’s who I am,

And it hurts on the inside.

And even more is the pain that I can't let you know.

Can't ask you to stop.



The punches keep coming,

And you keep smiling.



Tears stream down my face,

Yet you don't see them.

Blood drips from the wounds,

And turns the water red.

The knife goes deeper,

And the gun gets closer.



As I wallow in the pool of red water,

Fear the pain,

Laugh at the jokes,

And be the asshole you want.

I’m dieing on the inside,

Blood falls to the ground,

And I fall apart before your eyes.



I wish I could say it,

I wish I could trust you.

I wish allot of things,

But none ever come true.

I don't want to lose friends,

But I can't act like this forever.

If only things were simpler.

I can only wish.

And I can only wait,

To see the answer.

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