I want to be with somebody

I wanna be with somebody who is going to make me feel special and worthy of love. Somebody who won't distance himself from me or criticize me or belittle me or make me feel stupid. I want someone who's going to appreciate it when I'm being silly and just enjoying life for what it is. God has blessed me with indescribable joy, why do I struggle when I express it and I feel like people are just thinking I'm immature or that I need to grow up. I want to be with someone who is going to value my opinions, respect my feelings and as a woman. I don't want to be treated like a slave. I don't mind submitting to him, in fact I look forward to pleasing him in any way possible, but I don't want him to start taking advantage of me and seeing me as his maidservant. I want to be his best friend. I want to be the source of his happiness. (Of course Jesus comes first.) I'm so sick of the family I am in. They are so negative, so critical, so abusive, and distant. Nobody is close in my family. The closest person I am to in my family is my dad, and only by the grace of God, but even still there's some fear of vulnerability with him.

I want to be with someone who will share in my enthusiasm of life that I have... I get really enthusiastic and excited about many things, I want to be able to have someone to go to immediately that I can share it with. Someone who will listen and be excited with me, not someone who's going to trample on my dreams or aspirations.

Everyone keeps telling me, "all I need is Jesus," or "I have everything I'll ever need in Christ." Well, if Jesus is the only thing I need, then why do I feel the need to share my life with a husband.

Okay, I know, My creator is my husband. He is my first love and always will be. Singleness is an awesome gift.

I love being single, and being able to spend time with my Lord and Savior anytime I want and for as long as I want... but lately I feel lonely. I feel I need to be close to someone. I guess this is the time for me to draw near to Jesus. I need to  be close to Him. I really do love Him with all my heart... He is everything to me. It shames me when I get lonely for a husband. Because it's saying to God, "You were nice for a while, but now you're not enough for me anymore..." Even though that is totally bogus. God is everything to me. I couldn't imagine my life without Him. I lived 19 years without Him. And it was pure hell. Jesus is my life. But I still want someone to share this crazy mad love that I have for my Savior with a man who feels the same way about Jesus that I do. I'm truly thankful that God gave me the wisdom not to date around... I'd rather feel lonely than rejected all the time. Dating only leads to confusion, I trust God that He will bring me someone in His perfect timing and according to His perfect will. When it's going to happen is the hard part, because I'm so durn impatient! But then this is good to be impatient, it forces me to wait on God. Waiting on God always brings tremendous blessings! I'm sure of that...

But even though I believe someday God will bring me someone, who's to say that this man will love me in the ways I need to be loved? I know he isn't going to be perfect, but what if he gets abusive to me, either physically or verbally? What if he tears me down all the time and never builds me up? What if he doesn't give me the attention that I so desperately crave? I guess I shouldn't worry about that... God has it all worked out...

I just hope that someday I get to make one godly man out there the happiest he's ever been. Until then...

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Shane Manteuffel's picture

Wow!! I really wish i could grasp the words to express how relevent what you've said her is to me, lol minus the wanting a husband thing, but God is my partner He has shown me that time an again, Isaiah 54

deethepoet's picture

Ya know I totally know what ya mean by this. God created us to also have companion ship and God understands. I do not think we were meant to be alone, and yes Jesus is all we need, but we need him in a relationship. I mean with out him in the relationship then the relationship will go no where. God desires us to have fellowship with others, he wants us to grow close to one another. He knows the feelings involved with love. I want this with somebody too, and sort of feel this way towards someone. Anyways I'll email you more later, I really liked what you had to say! I could totally relate! God Bless