Damaged Goods

I feel so damaged like I'm not good enough for anything or anyone. 
That if real love does in fact exist, then it’s not for me. 
I just feel like I'm not destined for love and happiness. 
That at one time maybe, but somehow that moment left and all that remains is a shell of a human. 
That has a broken heart with lots of bandage covering it. 
Yet it still beats just the same and has the same ache that others have. 
That maybe one day I shall get that same kind of love that everyone talks about.

Though a part of me feels that it’s not for all of us, and maybe I'm one of those that isn't so lucky or blessed to receive it. 
But then out there like a beacon in the darkness it’s like bam that feeling of where your heart just says wow this might be it, because there is something there and you can't deny it or fight it. 
Funny how your mind and heart play tricks on you and allow you to believe such lies and you fall for it every fucking time. 
And then you are left feeling your broken heart. 
And you are so mad because it did it again, it misled you, it betrayed you. 
You want to rip that mother fucker out and you can't.
There's nothing you can do but put on your happy face so others can't see your pain. And all you want to do is run scream and beg for someone to take this away from you. 
You know deep down they can't because you're in your own hell and not one person cares. 
And you want to claw every feeling you have in you out. 
All you want is the pain that is so deep in you, you want it out. 
And you don't care how you get it out as long as it’s out of you. 
So back to shell you go protecting everything you hold dear to you. 
But this time you go back deeper in your shell than you did the last time.    

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was about feeling like I wasn’t good enough for anyone to love. I had given my heart away after being so afraid to love again. It was like before I knew it the person I trusted with it just decided to rip it to shreds.

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