Dear *****,

Can I be done now?
Lying wide awake in silent agony
A heap within this pile of shivering filth
a stain of mind bordering on insanity
the dream where I shot you
X-ray tunnel vision
A vicious staring contest
ending in blindness both ways
A serpents coil around my inspiration
Should I say sorry again?
Or deaf ears will miraculously open
Never assume that anymore
motherhood abandoned
scrambling for some quick exit
some place you never in habited
There, maybe my mind will finally find peace
No more safety in emptiness
A screaming infant devouring my thoughts
when I write to you now
I am just writing to no one
I am scribbling lines
I am writing to those who help you forget me
I am writing to the person I thought I knew
I am writing to myself
ashamed and trembling

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